Men jokes

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that." Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!" These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts. First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that." Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first." Dos amigos ven a un perro que se está lamiendo los cojones. - ¡Cómo me gustaría poder hacer eso mismo! - dice uno de ellos -. Y el otro contesta: - Bueno, pero antes intimarías un poco con el... Kaksi ruotsalaista olivat puistossa, kun he huomasivat koiran olevan pusikossa nuolemassa sukupuolielimiään ja sai suurta mielihyvää. - Mitä ihmettä se oikein tekee? kysyi Börje. - Göran, joskus... To menn ser på en hund slikke seg nedentil. Den ene mannen sier: "Jeg skulle ønske jeg kunne gjøre det!" "Virkelig?" sier den andre. "Jeg hadde bare tenkt å klappe den."
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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a рiss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight раnтiеs rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a сrар instead."
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И слона казал на голия мъж: Naked Man Προβοσκίδα Elephant What did the elephant say to the naked man? - Наверное, через него дышать трудно? - спросил слон голого мужика. ¿Qué le dijo un elefante a un hombre desnudo?. Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. Un éléphant sort de la jungle pour aller boire et là, à sa stupéfaction, il aperçoit un homme blanc tout nu ! Que le dijo el Elefante al Hombre desnudo ? Cómo podes respirar por ahí ? Vet du vad elefanten sa när han såg en naken man? - Hur kan du äta med en sån liten snabel? Zwei Elefanten sehen zum erstenmal einen nackten Mann. Sie schauen an ihm runter, schauen wieder hoch, schauen sich zweifelnd an: "Wie zum Teufel kriegt der sein Essen in den Mund?" C'est un mec, tout nu dans la savane. Il marche. Ledit mec vient à rencontrer un éléphant. Un mâle. L'éléphant regarde le mec sous toutes les coutures. ça dure un bon moment et enfin... L'éléphant... Sabe o que o elefante disse para o homem pelado? Como você acha que pode se alimentar usando ISSO? 2 elefanter To elefanter ser for første gang en nøgen mand. De kiggede grundigt op og ned af ham. Derefter udbrød den ene, hvordan fanden får han sin mad i munden. Hvad sagde elefanten til den nøgne man?– “Hvordan kan du trække vejret igennem den lille ting?” Que dit un éléphant lorsqu'il rencontre un nudiste ? Alors, c'est avec ça que tu bois !? Cosa dice un elefante quando vede un uomo nudo ? Ma come fara' a bere?
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One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops.
At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off.
She turned to the bus driver and said, "I think I was just molested back there."
The bus driver looked at her and said, "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been."
So, he lets her off and drives on.
He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off.
She, too, looks at the bus driver and says, "I think I was just molested back there."
Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of.
He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus.
To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees.
The bus driver says, "Sir, what are you doing?"
The man looks at him and says, "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again."
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A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirтy rat!"
The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirтy rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court.
I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".
The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
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Q: What's the difference between an Aboriginal and a park bench? A: The park bench can support a family of five but the Aboriginal can't. Kuo skiriasi parko suolelis nuo juodo vaikino? Parko suolas gali palaikyti šeimą. Czym się różni ławka od murzyna ? - Ławka może utrzymać rodzinę.
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One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95.
When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunк got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in.
The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunк what he thought he was doing.
The drunк replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.
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Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat.
They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came a little old man.
The son said, "Oh Dad, there’s one."
"No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait."
A little while later, along came a really fат man.
The son said, "Hey dad, he’s big enough."
"No," the father said. "We’d all die of a heart attack from the fат in that one. We’ll just wait."
About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her."
"No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."
Папање Корабокрушение. Ein Kannibale sitzt mit seinem Sohn im Straßengraben und haben fürchterlichen Hunger. Da kommt eine dicke Frau vorbei. Sagt der Junge: "Papa, die da fressen wir jetzt!" Darauf antwortet der Vater: "Nein, mein Sohn, die ist viel zu fett. Das ist schlecht für die Leber." Danach kommt eine... Os dois canibais — pai e filho — estavam passeando pela selva quando, de repente, encontraram uma caçadora perdida. E que caçadora!! Loura, tipo Marilyn Monroe, metida num traje decotadíssimo, bem apertadinho. O filho, assanhadíssimo: — E agora, pai? O que a gente faz? A gente assa ela? — Você... En kannibal skulle lære opp sønnen til å jakte, og de la seg i skjul ved en sti hvor det ofte kom folk. Etter en stund kom det en gammel, nokså feit dame, og sønnen var klar for å angripe: – Pappa,... Kannibalfaderen og hans søn sad i bushen og ventede på, at noget mad skulle komme forbi. Efter få minutter kom der en tynd mand gående, og sønnen sagde: - Skal vi ikke tage ham? - Nej, han er for... Yamyam bir kabileden bir baba ve oğlu ava çıkarlar, yiyecek ararlarken oğul yamyam nehirde yıkanmakta olan afet bir hatun görür ve babasına - baba, baba işte bir av, hadi onu yiyelim der. baba...
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