Men jokes - Page 66

Two men visit a рrоsтiтuте.
The first man goes into the bedroom.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck.
My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know?
Your wife IS better.’

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An old man goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you give me something to lower my sеx drive.’
The doctor replies, ‘I would have thought at your age it’s all in the mind,’
‘It is,’ agrees the old man.
‘That’s why I want it lower.’

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Man: Great idea, bad design.

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Men jokes

These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts.
First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that."
Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dog jokes

A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma.
One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker.
‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker.
‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man.
Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’

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Money jokes Men jokes

Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife: Because I married the wrong man!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"
He angrily looks at her and says,
"Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right."
"Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Ok", she says,
"Then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break."
"I ain’t no dамn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!"
After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife.
As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed.
As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a вееr, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?"
She replies:
"Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."
He said,
"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Helo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak!
They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used.
You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot.
They last longer and come with a warranty.
You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
They come in fashion colors.
You can keep them in maximum zoom.
They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
The parts that count are portable.
They don’t mind over-exposure.
They respond to the slightest touch.
The one you want is available at a KMART near you.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes

Men are like..... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

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Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Coffee Jokes

How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A man was checking his itemised lawyers bill. One item read:
-
Spotted you across the street. Crossed over to discuss a legal point in your case. When I got there it was not you after all. 20 dollars

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning.
He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her.
When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed nакеd and rubbing herself and saying, "I need a man, I need a man."
So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man.
So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying, "I need a bike, I need a bike!!!"

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Masturbation jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

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Men jokes Men vs Women Jokes

Yo' Mama is so stanky, even the garbage man won't pick her up.

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Yo Momma Jokes Men jokes

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunк sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.
The guy asks, "What's in the box?"
The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Вlоw Job Toad."
The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"
The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later.
"That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me."
The old drunк concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door.
"Where the hеll have you been? What's in the box?" she demands.
"South American Вlоw Job Toad."
"So?" asks the wife.
"So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes American Jokes

A man goes to a $10 hоокеr and contracts сrавs.
When he goes back to complain, the hоокеr laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 - lobster?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my аss."
The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Sitting at a Bar...
A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, sеxy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being rude and staring, the young man said to her ''I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to so, no matter how кinкy, for $100, on one condition.'' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, ''You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse five $20 bills, which she slowly counted into the young man's outstretched hand. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully, said ''Clean my house.''

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes