Men jokes - Page 66

Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other:
"Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says:
"Ah! A talking muffin!"

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A spaceman landed on the moon.
To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it:
"MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS."
Curious, he went into the shop.
A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman.
The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand.
"Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"

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Men jokes Life Jokes

A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said.
"How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

A man goes skydiving.
After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens.
He tries everything but can't get it open.
Just then another man flies by him, going UP.
The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?
The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?

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Men jokes Life Jokes

Two men visit a рrоsтiтuте.
The first man goes into the bedroom.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck.
My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know?
Your wife IS better.’

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

An old man goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you give me something to lower my sеx drive.’
The doctor replies, ‘I would have thought at your age it’s all in the mind,’
‘It is,’ agrees the old man.
‘That’s why I want it lower.’

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"
He angrily looks at her and says,
"Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right."
"Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Ok", she says,
"Then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break."
"I ain’t no dамn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!"
After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife.
As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed.
As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a вееr, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?"
She replies:
"Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."
He said,
"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Helo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak!
They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used.
You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot.
They last longer and come with a warranty.
You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
They come in fashion colors.
You can keep them in maximum zoom.
They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
The parts that count are portable.
They don’t mind over-exposure.
They respond to the slightest touch.
The one you want is available at a KMART near you.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes

Men are like..... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

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Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Coffee Jokes

How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A man was checking his itemised lawyers bill. One item read:
-
Spotted you across the street. Crossed over to discuss a legal point in your case. When I got there it was not you after all. 20 dollars

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Yo' Mama is so stanky, even the garbage man won't pick her up.

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Men jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunк sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.
The guy asks, "What's in the box?"
The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Вlоw Job Toad."
The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"
The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later.
"That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me."
The old drunк concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door.
"Where the hеll have you been? What's in the box?" she demands.
"South American Вlоw Job Toad."
"So?" asks the wife.
"So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes American Jokes

A man goes to a $10 hоокеr and contracts сrавs.
When he goes back to complain, the hоокеr laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 - lobster?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my аss."
The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Sitting at a Bar...
A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, sеxy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being rude and staring, the young man said to her ''I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to so, no matter how кinкy, for $100, on one condition.'' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, ''You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse five $20 bills, which she slowly counted into the young man's outstretched hand. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully, said ''Clean my house.''

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The man replied, "You cannot do this - I'm a United States congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Political Jokes

What do LifeSavers do that men can't?
Come in 5 flavors!

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Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes