Stupid / Dumb Jokes

The boss called me into the office today and said “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re smart enough for this job.”
“That’s вullshiт!” I yelled. “If you sack me, I’ll tell everyone you have a small willy.”
“Yeah, that’s going to work!” she replied.

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Staggering through town late last night, when I came across a group of women out celebrating.
I shouted the usual for a laugh, “Show me your тiтs, girls!”
To my surprise all of them obliged giving me a quick flash before replying back, “Show us your nuts, handsome!”
So, I started licking the lamp post and waving my arms about.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes

I saw a woman walking alone in the street last night so I stopped beside her.
I said, “Can I give you a lift home?”
“No thanks, I’d rather walk” she replied.
“Is it because I’m a stranger?” I asked.
She said, “No, it’s because you’re on a Segway.”

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

I didn’t realise how good I am on the phone until I found out my call to customer service may be used for training purposes.

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Stupid Jokes

Crazy USA Laws …
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Bingo games cannot last more than 5 hours (North Carolina) …
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In Quitman, Georgia, Chickens are not allowed to cross the road … (Well there go a thousand jokes!) …
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Policemen are allowed to bite a dog if they think it will calm the dog down (Paulding, Ohio) …
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If you cut down a cactus, you could be sentenced to 25 years in prison. (Arizona)
You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday (Rhode Island)
In Texas, it’s illegal to sell your eyeballs.
It’s against the law to sing off-key in North Carolina.
In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they’re moose hunting.

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes USA Jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes

My dad gave me some advice a few years ago.
He said, “Dave, if you ever get into a fight in the pub, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock.”
Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk.

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Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes

Ollie sees his doctor at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota: “I got a problem. I have a big воwеl movement at 6 in da morning every day.” …
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Doctor: “That sounds perfectly normal. Why are you so worried about it?” …
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Ollie: “Yah, but I don’t vake up until 7.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Stupid Jokes

A homeless guy just approached me asking for change.
I said, “Oh yeah, pal, asking me for money but I see you can afford those trendy jeans with the rips in.”

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Money jokes Stupid Jokes

I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question,--which I got wrong.
The question was, “Where do women have the curliest hair ?”
Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

A highways agency warning said anyone traveling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing, including a scarf, hat, gloves, 24 hour supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, safety triangle, tow rope, petrol can, first aid kit and jump leads.
I looked a right тwат on the bus this morning

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Food Jokes Stupid Jokes

Ollie and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, “There are no fish under the ice.” …
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Ollie an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, “There are no fish under the ice.”
They both looked around and then looked up. Ollie said in a humble voice, “Are you God?”
The voice spoke back, “No ya idiots! I’m da ice rink attendant.”

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God Jokes Stupid Jokes

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, “Do you think I’m sтuрid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door.”
I said, “You’re not coming in mate!”
He said, “I don’t want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car.”

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Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

I won’t say I’m awkward around women….
But i once chatted up a blind girl with sign language.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

I saw an article in the papers saying, “Have you seen this man?” with a little picture of the criminal and a number to call.
I was bored so I rung them up and said, “No, I haven’t.”

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Men jokes Stupid Jokes

My family and I were at a friend’s house for a barbecue when it started to rain.
My son moaned, “The rain is wet.”
My friend laughed and said, “Talk about stating the obvious!”
“He’s always doing that,” my wife said. “I don’t know who he gets it from…” she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, “He gets it from me.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

O ne day two blind men started fighting.
Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out “I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife.”
Both men ran away.

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Men jokes Stupid Jokes

A Police Officer pulls a car over to the curb, …
Police Officer:
“Can you identify yourself, Sir”? …
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Driver: (pulls out a small mirror and says) :
“Yes, it’s me.” …
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Police Officer” (takes the mirror and says “Oh, sorry, sir, I didn’t know you were a policeman.”

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

One fine spring day, Ollie decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car. As they were driving through town, a policeman pulled them over and told Ollie that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone. …
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“Oh, no”, Ollie protested. “I vas only doing tirty Officer.” ….
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“No, you were doing fifty”, replied the cop.
“Really, Officer, I vas only doing tirty”, Ollie replied stubbornly.
“Well”, bellowed the cop, “I clocked you doing FIFTY!”
At that point, Lena, sitting in the passenger seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up. “Officer…you really shouldn’t argue vit Ollie ven he’s been drinking.”

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?’ The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’ The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right вuтт cheek a liск with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Liск Maneuver’ but I never seed nobody done it.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

I remember when I used to get on the bus with my dad, and he would tell me to say I was under 5 so he wouldn’t have to pay my fare.
In the end I decided to start walking to work.

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Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes