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Stupid Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza:
Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread"
Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!"
Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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Customer service jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Stupid Jokes
Man: Let me have some grits and a Coca Cola.
Guy behind the counter: You must be from Georgia.
Man: What the hеll kinda stereotypical remark is that? If I walked in here and asked for a sausage, would you think I was Polish?
Guy: No.
Man: If I walked in here and asked for some Chow Mein, would you think I was Chinese?
Guy: No.
Man: If I walked in here and asked for some pizza, would you think I was Italian?
Guy: No.
Man: Then why in the hеll do you think I’m from Georgia?
Guy: Because this is a hardware store.
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Stupid Jokes Men jokes
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
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Insult Jokes Stupid Jokes
Ollie walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, “What happened to your ears?” …
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Ollie says, “Yesterday I vas ironing a shirt ven da phone rang and I accidentally answered da iron.” …
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The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”
Ollie says, “I tried ta call da doctor.”
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Блондинка отива на лекар с изгорени, ярко червени бузи. Пациент со изгорени уши оди на доктор Blonde Burn Iron Phone La oreja y la plancha Το σιδέρωμα. Ein Mann besucht einen Idioten, der auf beiden Ohren einen dicken Verband hat. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears? One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. Ein Beamter wird mit verbrannten Ohren ins Krankenhaus eingeliefert. "Wie ist das passiert?" fragt der Arzt. "Ich habe gebügelt", berichtet der Beamte, "da klingelte das Telefon. Ich war so in Gedanken, da habe ich statt des Hörers das Bügeleisen ans Ohr gepresst." - "Ja, aber wieso haben Sie... Duas irmãs, que por acaso eram loiras, moravam num apartamento quando uma amiga vai visitá-las e nota uma queimadura no rosto de uma delas: — Nossa amiga, o que foi isso? — Nem te conto! Estava passando roupa quando o telefone tocou e no reflexo eu acabei atendendo o ferro... — Nossa que descuido... Eine Blondine hat sich beide Ohren verbrannt. "Wie ist denn das passiert?" will der herbeigeeilte Arzt von ihr wissen. "Nun, ich war gerade beim Bügeln, als das Telefon klingelte, und dann habe ich aus Versehen das Bügeleisen ans Ohr gehoben." Daraufhin der Arzt: "Ja, aber wie haben sie... Comment faire cramer une blonde ? Il faut l'appeller sur son portable quand elle est en train de repasser ! Había un tipo con las dos orejas quemadas y su amigo le pregunta: ¿Por qué tienes las dos orejas quemadas? El atlante le responde: Porque estaba planchando y llamaron por teléfono y contesté con la... Bellman var på läkarbesök. Han hade fått kraftiga brännskador på båda öronen så doktorn frågade: - hur gick det till? - jag stod och strök när telefonen ringde men jag tog fel på telefonen och... Dois portuguêses chegam na casa de um amigo com a orelha queimada e o dono da casa perguna para um deles: -porque está com a orelha queimada?? e ele responde: -porque o tele fone tocou e sem... En blondin kommer till sitt arbete och hon möts av sin chef som säger, - Vad har hänt med dina öron? - Jag höll på att stryka lite kläder då telefonen ringde och jag svarade med strykjärnet.... Две блондинки: - Муцка, защо са ти превързани и двете уши? - Оооф, вчера взех да гладя. Звъни ми телефона през това време... - И ти кво? - Вместо телефонът допрях ютията до ухото си... - Добре де,... Iba caminando por la calle un borrachito y se encuentra con su compadre, y éste al ver que el borrachito tenía las orejas a carne viva le pregunta: - Pero, ¿qué te ha pasado compadre? - Es que a mi... Manolo está tratando de decirle algo al doctor. Dígame ¿Qué le pasó en las orejas? Ay, ay, ay, doctor es que escuché el teléfono y en vez de coger el teléfono cogí la plancha. ¿Y qué le paso en la... En blondine kom til legen med brennmerke på øret. Legen spurte da: - Hva har skjedd med deg. - Jo jeg holdt på å stryke ei bukse da telefonen ringte, og da tok jeg strykejernet. To gamle kjente møttes på byen: – Hva har du gjort med ørene dine, Knut? – Jo, du skjønner. Jeg stod med strykejernet da telefonen ringte. Og du vet jeg blitt litt distré med årene. Så jeg svarte... Hos lægen. "Hvordan kunne du brænde ørene?" "Jeg stod og strøg tøj, da telefonen pludselig ringede. Og så tog jeg fejl af telefonen og strygejernet!" "Men du har jo brændt begge øre..." "Ja, jeg... Legen på legevakten i Stockholm så spørrende på pasienten som hadde kommet inn med svidde ører. – Hvordan i alle dager klarte du å brenne deg slik på ørene, spurte hun pasienten. – Jeg stod og... C'est une blonde qui rend visite à sa copine blonde. Mais la copine a deux gros pansements, un sur chaque oreille. - Oh dis donc qu'est-ce qui t'es arrivé ? - Ben, c'est tout bête. L'autre jour,... Білявка з обпеченими вухами приходить до лікаря. — Що трапилось? — запитує лікар. — Переглядала по телевізору серіал, праску вимкнути забула, а вона, як на зло, стояла поряд із телефоном. Коли... Przychodzi baba do lekarza z poparzonymi uszami. Lekarz się pyta: co się pani stało? Prasowałam gdy zadzwonił telefon. A drugie ucho? Chciałam zadzwonić na pogotowie. Un uomo vicino ad un suo amico vedendolo con le orecchie piene di vesciche: - "per la miseria gigi, ma cosa hai fatto a quell'orecchio?" - "mia moglie ha messo il ferro da stiro vicino al telefono... Sarışın yanmış iki kulağıyla doktora gider. Doktor; - Kulaklarına ne oldu . Sarışın; - Ütü yapıyordum ve telefon çaldı. Ben de telefon diye ütüyü koydum kulağıma . ...Doktor; - Peki öteki kulağına... A portuguesa foi ao medico com queimaduras de segundo grau nas duas orelhas. — Mas como a senhora conseguiu queimar as duas orelhas? - perguntou o esculápio, indignado. — Ora, doutor! - explicou a... Han hadde stygge brannsår på begge ørene, og på legevakten ville de vite hva som hadde skjedd. - Jeg stod og strøk skjorter da telefonen ringte. Og så tok jeg feil og løftet strykehjernet til høyre... Een Belg liep met zijn oor helemaal in het verband. Een Nederlander kwam hem tegen en vroeg: "Wat is er met jou gebeurd?" De Belg antwoordde: "Ik was aan het strijken toen de telefoon ging".
Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Stupid Jokes Boss Jokes
In the USA, the southern states have their rednecks; New York, (where Раddy and Seamus immigrated from Ireland,) and Minnesota, to the north, with three or four dim bulbs called Ollie, Lena and Sven who must have migrated from the Scandanavian countries. …
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Ollie answered the phone one day and came back to the living room crying.
“Vell, Ollie! Vat in da vorld is da matter?” asks the sympathetic Lena.
“I yust had bad news, Lena,” Ollie replied, “My fadder yust died!!”
Just then the phone rang again, Ole went to answer it and came back crying again.
“Vell, now, Ole, vat is da matter?” asked Lena.
“Dat vas my brudder.” said Ole. “His fadder yust died too!”
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News and Politics Jokes USA Jokes Stupid Jokes
A quick guide on “How to fall downstairs”:
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11
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Stupid Jokes
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wun?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller :No, I want speak to Annie Wun!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me.Who is this?
Caller : I’m Sam Wun. And I need to talk to Annie Wun! It’s urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s the urgent matter about?
Caller : Well…just tell my sister Annie Wun that our brother Noe Wun was involved in an accident. Noe Wun was injured and now Noe Wun is being sent to the hospital. Right now, my father, Avery Wun is one his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Ree.
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Stupid Jokes
He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
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Qui rit le dernier pense le moins vite.
Stupid Jokes One-Liner Jokes
I went for a self-defence class last night.
The instructor said, “I want you to take me by surprise and attack me.”
So, when I saw him in Sainsbury’s the next day, I threw a tin of beans at his head.
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Facebook Jokes Social Network Jokes Funny Riddles Sick and Death Jokes Stupid Jokes
Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.
“Hey, aren’t you those three escaped convicts?”, asked the policeman.
Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said “no, I’m Mark, Mark Spencer.”
“The second followed his lead and said “My names is William, W H Smith.”
The third said “My name is Ken… Ken Tuckyfriedchicken!
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Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes
My wife keeps complaining about her nine to five job.
I must admit, 4:51 is a strange time to start work.
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Office and Work Jokes Stupid Jokes
So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight…
When do I get my adult supervision?
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Stupid Jokes
This time 5 years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl I’ve met out for dinner, today I asked her to marry me, she said no both times.
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Stupid Jokes
My wife just saw a news article ‘World’s oldest person dies at 114’
“Wow!” she said “…the way medicine and science is going, I bet we have people reaching 150 years old within the next ten years!”
Stupid вiтсh.
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Science jokes News and Politics Jokes Stupid Jokes
Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job
.
Interviewer: “Name?”
Tarzan: “Me, Tarzan.”
Interviewer: “Married?”
Tarzan: “Wife, Jane.”
Interviewer: “Children?”
Tarzan: “Son, boy.”
Interviewer: “Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?”
Tarzan: “Tarzan, King of the Jungle.”
Interviewer: “Jane’s Whole Name?”
Tarzan: “Jane’s Hole named Рussy.”
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Stupid Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes
Shouldn’t the air and space museum be empty?
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Stupid Jokes
Until 1961 it was illegal to attempt suicide in the UK.
The punishment was death.
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Stupid Jokes
1. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
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2. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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3. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
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4. Birds are attracted to your beard.
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5. Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
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6. Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”
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7. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
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8. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
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9. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
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10. There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.
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Attribution: Jeff Foxworthy
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Stupid Jokes School Jokes Military Jokes Coffee Jokes
Ollie was trying to sell his car. He was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, he told his problem to his friend Sven who worked at the gas station. Sven told him, “Ollie, der’s a way ta make selling da car easier, but it ain’t legal.”
“Dat don’t matter,” replied Ollie, “If I can sell da car, dat’s ok.”
“Okay,” said Sven. “Here’s da address of a frienda mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell em I sent you and he vill turn da counter in yer car back ta 50,000 miles. Den it von’t be a problem ta sell yer car anymore.”
The following weekend, Ollie made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Sven asked Ollie, “Vell, Ollie, did ya sell yer car?”
“No,” replied Ole, “Vy should I sell it, ya duммy? Now it only has 50,000 miles on it.”
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- Képzeld még mindig nem tudtam eladni az autómat, senkinek sem kell. Túl sok a 350.000 km, ami benne van. Mire a másik: - Bízd rám, a barátom autószerelő, ő majd visszapörgeti neked a km órát...
Stupid Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes
I went duck shooting today.
There was bits of yellow rubber everywhere and my kids climbed out of the bath screaming.
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Stupid Jokes Kids Jokes
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