Thanksgiving Jokes

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Ten signs you're not getting a christmas bonus 10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future" 9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial 8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips 7. What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet" 6. Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out" 5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants 4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies 3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw 2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "terrible" appeared 78 times 1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets
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Zwischen den Feiertagen Zwischen Weihnachten und Silvester If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays. Ham: Hej, jeg synes du har meget pæne ben, er det i orden jeg kalder dem jul og påske? Hende: Ja? Ham: Hva’ så med at invitere mig på ferie mellem højtiderne? Hey girl, if your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I cum between the holidays?
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This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sеx in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious тiтs" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim diск". So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious тiтs?" the dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat". She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim diск?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots". Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the Holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "Shiт!". The daughter then asks,"What does shiт mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety". The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "Fuск". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does fuск mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety". About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious тiтs and drop your slim diскs, my dad is upstairs shiттing and my mom's f*cking the turkey".
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This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sеx was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sеx. Her father said:
"Oh honey, I love your luscious тiтs." Then her mother said:
"And I love your slim diск!" The next morning, the girl asked her father what "luscious тiтs" were. The father panicked. "It's a fine coat." He said. The little girl then asked her mother what a "slim diск" is. The mother panicked and said:
"It's a pair of boots." The next morning was thanksgiving, she walked past her father shaving in the bathroom. He cut him self and exclaimed:
"Oh, shiт!" The little girl asked what shiт meant. "I'm shaving right now, sweety" said her father. Then the girl went into the kitchen where her mother was cooking the turkey. She accidentally dropped it on the floor and said:
"Oh, f*ck!"
"What does fuск mean?" Asked the little girl. "I'm cooking the turkey right now, sweety." replied her mother. Then the door веll rang. Her mother told her to go open the door and welcome the thanksgiving guests. The little girl walked up, opened the door and said:
"Hello everyone! Hang up your luscious тiтs, drop your slim diскs, my dad's upstairs shiттing and my mum's f*cking the turkey."
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On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a ваsтаrd and hears his dad call his mom a вiтсh. He asks, "Mommy, what does ваsтаrd mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does вiтсh mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh*t." The son asks, "What does that mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream." Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, "Welcome вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey."
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