Ugly Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
La chica de la lasaña y el cajero gracioso Single? Момиче пазарува в магазина и на касата: Жена пазарувала в супера. Докато оставяла нещата на лентата един пияница се приближил, огледал подробно покупките и и казал тихо: Una chica entra en un supermercado y compra lo siguiente: A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man. Uma mulher passava as compras no caixa de supermercado percebeu que um bêbado examinava detalhadamente seus itens de compra: * 2 caixas de leite integral * 1 dúzia de ovos * 1 litro de suco de laranja * 1 alface americana * 1 kg de café; e * 1 pacote de bacon fatiado. Enquanto o caixa registrava,... A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the... A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For... Een vrouw ging naar de winkel waar ze de volgende spullen kocht : * 1 liter melk * 1 doos eieren * 1 liter fruitsap * 1 pak koffie * 1 ons ham * 1 doos Cup-a-Soup Terwijl ze haar... A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the... En pige lægger sine varer op ved kassen: 1 tomat, 1 lille pose kaffe, 1 frossen færdigret, 1 tærte, 1 müslibar og en frossen pizza! Manden ved kassen spørger smilende: – Single, hva? Pigen smiler... En pige vader ind i et supermarked, og køber følgende: 1 stykke sæbe 1 tandbørste 1 tube tandpasta 1 lille franskbrød 1 liter mælk 1 æble 1 banan 1 appelsin 1 liter juice 1 glas syltetøj 1 bage... A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 apple 1 banana 1 orange 1 plum 1 peach 1 grapefruit 1 tomato... En kvinna kommer in i affären och köper lite saker, hon kommer fram till kassan och lägger upp en banan, ett äpple, en tandborste, en schampoflaska, en tvål, en kam, en apelsin, en tandkräm, en...
Men vs Women Jokes Ugly Jokes Single People Jokes Beer Jokes
В ресторант, жена си накапва роклята с доматен сос: Жена проливает на себя тарелку с супом: Ein Mann und eine Frau sitzen zusammen im Restaurant. Жена и муж обедают. Жена проливает на себя борщ: Een man is aan het 't eten en morst een klad mayonnaise op zijn hemd. "Potverdorie", zegt hij, "ik zie er uit als een varken." "Ja, zegt zijn vrouw, en gesmost hebt ge ook al." Merge unul cu nevastă-sa să ia cina la restaurant. Farfuria de supă se varsă pe rochia ei cea nouă. Supărată şi aşteptând să fie consolată de soţul romantic, ea zice: - Uite cum arăt, ca o scroafă!...
Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Vulgar jokes Ugly Jokes
Top 10 rejection lines given by women (and of course what they actually mean!)
1) “I think of you as a brother.” - You have the sеx appeal of a Franciscan monk.
2) “There is a slight difference in our ages.” - You are positively Jurassic.
3) “I’m not attracted to you in that way.” - The bulge in your trousers is just not big enough.
4) “My life is too complicated right now.” - I’m bonking several better-looking guys already.
5) “I need some freedom to find my own space.” - I want the freedom to find someone to fill my space.
6) “I don’t date men where I work.” - I never date TWO men in the same office, because I’d get caught.
7) “It’s not you, it’s me.” - It’s not me it’s you!
8) “I’m concentrating on my career.” - Boring and UN-fulfilling as my job is, it is better than dating you.
9) “I’ve decided to be celibate.”- I’m already shаgging someone else.
10) “Let’s be friends.” - I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sеx with!
Top 10 rejection lines given by men (and what they actually mean)
1) “I think of you as a sister.” - You’re ugly.
2) “There’s a slight difference in our ages.” - You’re ugly.
3) “I’m not attracted to you in that way.” - You’re ugly.
4) “My life is too complicated right now.” - You’re ugly.
5) “I’ve got a girlfriend.” - You’re ugly.
6) “I don’t date women where I work.” - You’re ugly.
7) “It’s not you, it’s me.” - You’re ugly.
8) “I’m concentrating on my career.” - You’re ugly.
9) “I’m celibate.” - You’re ugly.
10) “Let’s be friends.” - You’re really fсuкing ugly.
Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Ugly Jokes
Иванчо и Петър се карат на кого жената е по-грозна. Иванчо рекъл: - Петре, да тръгнем по къща на къща на къща и да питаме хората. Петър се съгласил. Питали от къща на къща но все не им казвали....
Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Ugly Jokes
Prince Charles was driving around his mother’s estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp.
He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught.
The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground.
He dug it up, polished it and immediately a Genie appeared.
“You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, ” said the Genie”
As a reward I shall grant you one wish.”
“Well, ” said the Prince, “I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog.”
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog.
“Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me..?” the Prince asked.
The Genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head.
“This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life.
Is there something else you would like..?”
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos.
“I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana, ” said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo.
“But now I love this woman called Camilla, ” and he showed the genie the second photo.
“You see Camilla isn’t beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana..?”
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, “Let’s have another look at that frickin’ dog”
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Ugly Jokes Dog jokes