USA - Page 7

In the USA, the southern states have their rednecks; New York, (where Раddy and Seamus immigrated from Ireland,) and Minnesota, to the north, with three or four dim bulbs called Ollie, Lena and Sven who must have migrated from the Scandanavian countries. …
…
Ollie answered the phone one day and came back to the living room crying.
“Vell, Ollie! Vat in da vorld is da matter?” asks the sympathetic Lena.
“I yust had bad news, Lena,” Ollie replied, “My fadder yust died!!”
Just then the phone rang again, Ole went to answer it and came back crying again.
“Vell, now, Ole, vat is da matter?” asked Lena.
“Dat vas my brudder.” said Ole. “His fadder yust died too!”

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Q: What's the difference between America and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

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Nationality Jokes USA Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

there are 4 guys standing on a bridge. A chinese guy, russian guy, mexican guy, and an american guy. the chinese threw off noodles. they all asked, why did you do that? the chinese said, because we have to much of that in china. the russian guy throws off vоdка. they asked why did you do that? he replies, we have to much of that in russia. the mexican guy throws off a taco. they asked why did you do that? he says, because we have to much of that in mexico. the american…picks up the mexican, and throws him. they all asked WHY DID YOU DO THAT! the american replies, oh because we have tooooo many of "those" in america.

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Dark Humor Jokes USA Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Russian Jokes American Jokes

Dirтy Places
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Assonet (Massachusetts, USA)
Bastard (Norway)
Bastardstown (County Wexford, Ireland)
Bear Butte (South Dakota, USA)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Beaver Liск Baptist Church (11460 US Hwy 42; Union, KY 41091-9483;USA)
Big Воnе Liск State Park (Kentucky, south of Cincinnati; USA)
Bonar Bridge (Scotland)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Bumpass Creek (Alabama, USA)
Butte City (Idaho, USA)
Butt's Corner (New York, USA)
Chinaman's Кnов (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Climax Springs (Missouri, USA)
Cocksgag (Ohio, USA)
Cocke County (Tennessee, USA)
Cunt (Spain)
Cunter (Switzerland)
Devil's Dyке (United Kingdom)
Dikshit (India)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
Effin (Limerick, Ireland)
Erect (Randolph County, North Carolina, USA)
Fairy Glen (Saskatchewan, Canada)
Fanny Bay (Australia)
Fertile (Iowa, USA)
Flasher (North Dakota, USA)
Fucking (Part of the municipality of Tarsdorf, in the Innviertel region of Upper Austria)
Frenchman Butte (Saskatchewan, Canada)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Gayhead Island (Martha's Vineyard, MA.....yes there is a ferry to Gayhead Island)
Gaylordsville (Connecticut, USA)
Gassville (Arkansas, USA)
Gnaw Воnе (Indiana, USA)
Hardup (Utah, USA)
Hell (Michigan, USA)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Hookersville (West Virginia, USA)
Humptulips (Washington, USA)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Kisslegg (Bavaria, Germany)
Knob Liск (Kentucky, USA)
Koksoak River (Canada)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Lick Run (Pennsylvania, USA)
Likwang (China)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Lord Berkeley's Кnов (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Inтеrсоursе Island (Australia)
Moorhead (Mississippi, USA)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Naked City (Indiana, USA)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Onenut (California, USA)
Packwood (Iowa, USA)
Penisthorpe (England, recently changed to Pensthorpe) Penistone (South Yorkshire, UK)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Slackbottom (Yorkshire, UK)
Smuts (Saskatchewan, Canada)
Stains (France)
Stillorgan (Ireland)
Smackover (Arkansas, USA)
Tingley (Iowa, USA)
Titisee (Freiburg, Germany)
Tittybong (Australia)
Tong Fuк (Japan)
Top Ryde (New South Wales, Australia)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Wank (Germany)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wankum (Germany)
Wet Веаvеr Creek (Australia)

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USA Jokes Australia Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Superhero Jokes Japanese Jokes

My brother wants to go on that show 'America's Got Talent.' I'm like, 'What the hеll are you gonna do on there? You ain't got no talent.' He's goes, 'I can rip a phone book in half with my bare hands.' 'You live in a town of 47, you моrоn. That ain't a phone book, that's a pamphlet.'

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Blue Collar Jokes USA Jokes

1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off.
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin…. and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate
3. Iron man now “air-pooling” with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way tomake a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America’s third biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as “Down Jones”.

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Funny Riddles Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes USA Jokes American Jokes Superhero Jokes

One day, a blonde wanted to travel from America to Europe. She rang a Travel agent to ask how long it would take. Blonde: How long does take to travel to Europe from America?
Travel agent: just a minute,
Blonde: Thanks *hangs up phone*

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Blonde Jokes USA Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

The FBI in America sent a photograph of a wanted criminal. The photo was in three poses - front face and two sideshots. They said: “We believe this criminal is in Ireland, keep a lookout for him.” Two weeks later the Irish police sent back a message to the FBI, with the photograph, which read: “We got the fella in the middle but we’re still looking for the other two!”

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Police Officer Jokes USA Jokes Criminal Jokes

Trump’s first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can’t do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan.
Trump: So what?
CIA: Modi will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump: I don’t care.
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can’t do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can’t do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can’t have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi’ite gov’t of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can’t do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can’t do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they’re gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of staff: If you do so we’ll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump: What the hеll should I do???
CIA: *Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!*
God bless America!

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Political Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes USA Jokes Friendship Jokes Russian Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor

MARS MISSION
Russia 19 attempts.
USA 21 attempts.
India just 1 attempt and that's a success.
Now do you understand why India is the country with the highest population growth.....!!!!!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes USA Jokes Russian Jokes

Yo mama's so fат, when she plays hopscotch she uses North America, South America, Europe, and Africa

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Yo Momma Jokes USA Jokes Africa Jokes Fat Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

I married a lawyer, which I know sounds very impressive. Every girl dreams, when they grow up, they're gonna marry a doctor, marry a lawyer. But me, I had to marry the only lawyer in America with a conscience. I didn't marry the cutthroat, ruthless, gimme-all-your-money lawyer. No, I married the pay-me-what-you-can-whenever-you-can-I-just-want-to-see-justice-served lawyer. I got so ripped off, ladies and gentlemen. Do you know what it's like? It's like I finally banged a rock star, but he's with a Christian band.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes USA Jokes Lawyer Jokes Christian Jokes

If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable -- unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.

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Insult Jokes USA Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

Q: Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
A: Because freedom rings!

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Nationality Jokes USA Jokes Knock-knock jokes

Only in America: We work hard on a farm so we can move into town, where we can make more money… so we can move back to the farm.

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes USA Jokes

Q: If a plane crashed on the Canada/USA border, where would the survivors be buried?
A: You don't bury survivors.

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USA Jokes Nationality Jokes

Teacher:
"Jill, where is the America on the map?"
Jill:
"Right there, ma'am."
Teacher:
"Correct. Now, Jack, tell me who found America."
Jack:
"Jill."

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USA Jokes School Jokes

America dropped Chuck Norris into North Korea, starting a nuclear war.

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USA Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Military Jokes

Rush Limbaugh wanted to buy an NFL team. His spectacle for him to see black people hit each other while the white quarterback is being protected. Reminds him of the America he loves.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

The Russians thought that America was starting a nuclear war when Chuck Norris farted!

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USA Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Military Jokes