Women - Page 50

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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My sister was with two men in one night.
She could hardly walk after that.
Can you imagine?
Two dinners!

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

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An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urinе tests."
The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.

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An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless раnтiеs and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new раnтiеs. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Неll no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

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How do you make a woman blind?
Put a windshield in front of her!

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One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp.
(Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.)
Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out.
So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?"
The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!"
So the genie granted him his wish, and рооf the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.
Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!"
And рооf, he was there.
Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and рооf ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.

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What do you call a niggеr with a regular job, who doesn’t drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn’t collect welfare, and doesn’t rаре White women?
An inmate.

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What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

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Man:
"How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman:
"Unfertilized."

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What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.

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Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!

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Girl: why am I still single?
Brain: you're weird as shiт.
Body: and you're fат.
Face: plus you're pretty ugly.
Food: Don't worry ваве, I'm here for you.

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Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club.
Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’
Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’
‘Good heavens,’ says Harry.
‘That’s a very long time ago.’
‘Not reall

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This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies,
"Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says,
"WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says,
"Next time your ordered food."

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A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”

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Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman.
My wife put me off them.

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Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hеll.
Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you.
You may choose "heaven" or "hеll".
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table.
Bill takes a look in hеll and sees really beautiful women, sеx, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hеll!
Once in hеll, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire.
So Bill says : hey, what the hеll is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sеx?
The devil says:
'That was just a demo version."

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Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sеx with them.

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