Coffee jokes

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Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.

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"Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.

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What’s the best Beatles song?
Latte Be!

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What did the coffee lover name her son?
Joe, obviously.

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What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.

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How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.

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How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his victims—all ground up.

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How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.

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If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

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What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

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What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
Mugging!

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I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.

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What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?
A brewhaha.

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What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you?
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

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Why do they call coffee mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.

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Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
Because they know how to espresso themselves.

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How are coffee beans like kids?
They’re always getting grounded!

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If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.

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