Germany jokes, Jokes about Germans

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My German girlfriend likes to rate my sеxuаl performances on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried аnаl. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.

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A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye
The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

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Q: What do you call Vasoline in German?
A: Vienerschlide.

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No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder

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3 people died and went to Неll. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

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A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

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A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies “we did, but no one liked it.”

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A German went to France for holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: Occupation?
German: No, no, no, just visiting.

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Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags,
„We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“.
Trump goes on,
„Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater for at least three months!“.
Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears -
„Heil Нiтlеr! We need Diesel.“

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Why Germans don't play scrabble fussbodenschleifmaschinenverleih

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German WI-FI

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How many Germans does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Just one. They’re fiercely efficient and not really given to jokes.

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Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Неll for various reasons.
American: I won’t ever see my dog again!
Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again!
German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

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Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.

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did u hear about the new german microwave?
it has ten seats in it

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To be the perfect German you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbles and as blonde as Нiтlеr.

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When a clock goes forward, it’s tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, its tactic!

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i don’t say funny stuff because I’m afraid they will take the German passport from me

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