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Car and driving jokes Monday jokes
One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.
He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.
The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him.
He shrugged it off, and continued on his way.
As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him.
He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this.
He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths.
The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds".
The guy shook his head, and said, "No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, only, shaped like a lawyer."
Lawyer Jokes
The local sheriff in a small suburban town was looking for a deputy. He posted ads in the paper, and sure enough, Lisa, a wonderful looking blonde, went in to try out for the job. She wasn't the sharpest nail in the bucket, but seeing as she had a natural charisma about her, the sheriff gave her an interview...
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Lisa, what is 1 and 1?"
"11!" she enthusiastically replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right in a way..."
"Okay, Lisa. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Shucks, that's easy," the blonde replied. "Today and tomorrow!"
The sheriff was again surprised that Lisa supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
He thought of his next question carefully to make sure there could be no equivocation about the answer:
"Now Lisa, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Lisa looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while," the sheriff replied with satisfaction.
So, Lisa wandered over to the salon where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
"How'd it go?" they all asked.
Lisa was ecstatic. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a мurdеr case!"
Blonde Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes
Sitting round a small coffee table in a room of an international insurance company, a group of 4 people waited for a job interview. There was an Englishman, a Frenchman, a spectacular looking blonde and an awful looking fат lady.

After 15 minutes in complete silence, and avoiding each other's eye contact, there was a power cut. The unmistakable sound of a slap was heard. Two minutes later the power came on again and the Frenchman had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - "That French son of a вiтсh wanted to touch me and by mistake must have put his hand on the fат lady who slapped his face"

The fат lady thought - "This dirтy old Frenchman laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".

The Frenchman thought - "That dамnеd Englishman put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".

The Englishman thought - "I hope there's another power cut soon so I can smack that French тwат again".
Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes Insurance Comedy
There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen. One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for "enjoyment of food" Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them. The manager said,
"You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said,
"Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turned to Mike and said,
"What do you have to say to that?"
The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside. The judge asked him,
"What is the meaning of that?"
The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin,
- "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."
Judge and Court Jokes Irish jokes French jokes Restaurant Jokes Boss Jokes
A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!"
He then asked, "How much for a hаndjов?" She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said, "Ask for $40."
The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung.
She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked, "Now what?"
The wife replied, "Can I borrow $60?"
Dirty jokes
Priest Jokes