Most popular jokes

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

52 0

How do you know a blonde has a bad day? she's playing a pencil and she cant find her recorder!

52 0

Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.
He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the рот-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle.
Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Неll, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno.
When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, 'Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place.'

52 0

Lawyer Jokes Military Jokes

A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
"I locked my keys in my sports car!" said the nervous lawyer.
"No problem, I should be there in about an hour," replied the locksmith.
"Do you think you can make it a little sooner?" pleaded the lawyer. "My top is down and it's starting to rain."

52 0

Lawyer Jokes

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up. The husband said,
"Who was that?" The wife said,
"I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

52 0

Blonde Jokes

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ? A: Sweet Fuск All...
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond? A: A labrador.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? : A 69 interrupted by a period.

52 0

Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

I was reading this article the other day, and it said, The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love in a car wash. Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not. Its also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.

52 0

One-Liner Jokes

I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment.

51 0

One-Liner Jokes

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."

51 1

Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Morris calls his son in NY and says:
"Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened."
I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow."
"Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore."
A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow.
"Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there."
Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says,
"Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Rosh Hashanah."

51 0

Parent Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

51 0

Blonde Jokes Monday jokes

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.
Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

51 0

Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

51 0

Lawyer Jokes Tree jokes

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: "Aw, f**k it! We'll drink in the dark!"

51 0

News and Politics Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Light bulb jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didnt want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, Maybe Ill just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, Dамn, this one isnt wearing any shoes either.

51 0

Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Banker Jokes

A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelop containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelop in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelop he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelop, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others. By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelop I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000.

51 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Fitness jokes

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and раsтy, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight..."

51 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women

An engineer died and ended up in Неll. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Неll, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Sатаn to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Неll?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Sатаn. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

51 0

Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery. "Why is your stomach so big?" he asks. "I'm having a baby," she replies. "Is the baby in your stomach?" he asks, with his big eyes. "Yes, it is," she says. "Is it a good baby?" he asks, with a puzzled look. "Oh, yes. A really good baby," the lady replies. Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"

51 0

Kids Jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Baby Jokes

A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints.
The doctor speaks to the man's wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he'll probably live another 20 years."
She returns to her husband's side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?"
"You are going to be dying soon, my dear."

51 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes

Most Popular Jokes