Most Popular Jokes

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager". The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal doesn't attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.
But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers.
Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four-year-old.
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A man goes into a Harley Davidson shop and while looking at bikes, the salesman comes up and asks if he has any questions.
The man then asks how he keeps the chrome looking so good on all these bikes? The salesman replies, "That's easy, I carry a jar of Vasoline in my pocket and when it looks like it's going to rain, I put Vasoline on all the chrome and wipe it off when it quits raining and no water spots." The guy says that makes sense and later picks a bike to purchase. After completing the paperwork, he rides the bike to a pharmacy and purchases a jar of Vasoline that he puts in his pocket.rnrnThe man then rides the bike over to his girlfriend's house and while they are standing outside looking at the bike, his girlfriend's phone rings. His girlfriend says that it's her parents and they want to invite them to dinner at their house. The guy agrees and says they can ride the bike over to their house.rnrnAs their walking up to the front door, the girlfriend says she needs to tell him something before they go inside. She tells him that you can't talk during dinner. The guy asks why, and the girlfriend says the first person to talk has to do the dishes. The guy thinks this to be a little strange, but says OK.rnrnWhen they get inside, the guy looks inside the kitchen and sees about two months worth of dirтy dishes piled up and thinks there is no way he's talking during dinner. They sit down and begin eating when a thought pops into the guys head. The guy grabs his girlfriend an d throws her up on the dining room table and rails the shiт out of her, but no one says a word. The guy then grabs his girlfriend's mom and throws her up on the table and rails her too, and again no one says anything. About that time, the guy hears thunder and reaches in his pocket to recover the jar of Vasoline. His girlfriend's father then says, "Fuск this shiт, I'll do the gоddамn dishes!"
Parent Jokes
Американски астронавт пред комисия на НАСА по повод изпращането на китайски космонавт в космоса. Чухте ли? NASA открива ресторант на Луната. Казват, че менюто е отлично, но му липсвала атмосфера. 2030 година. НАСА открива първия в историята ресторант на Луната. Един от посетителите пише в книгата за гости: Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac? He knew in advance what he was going to forget. Did you hear about the new restaurant that just opened up on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.. Har du hørt om restauranten på månen?– God mad, ingen atmosfære. Due astronauti mangiano in un ristorante sulla luna. Uno dice: “Guarda, non è incredibile? Eccoci qui, che mangiamo in un ristorante sulla luna! Che te ne pare?”. “Si’, è carino, e il cibo è... - Har du hört att de har öppnat en restaurang på månen? - Nej, hur är den? - Maten är bra, men det är ingen atmosfär. Trwa ostra imprezka na Księżycu. W pewnej chwili ktoś mówi: - Wiesz co, Armstrong. Niby wszystko się zgadza... Rozpaliliśmy grilla, jest wódeczka, są kobitki, a jakoś atmosfery nie ma. Rzecz dzieje się na Księżycu. Amerykanie wysiedli z lądownika i powoli rozkręcają imprezę. Rozpalili grilla, wyciągnęli piwo, puścili muzyczkę - wiadomo. Wtem Armstrong odzywa się do... Hvilke anmeldelser får restauranten der ligger på månen altid? -  4 stjerner. Der er god mad, men slet ingen atmosfære Why did the restaurant on the moon get bad reviews? It has no atmosphere. Έχετε ακούσει για το καινούργιο εστιατόριο στη σελήνη; Το φαγητό είναι καταπληκτικό αλλά δεν έχει καθόλου ατμόσφαιρα.
Space jokes Food Jokes Waiter Jokes Restaurant Jokes
Скршеници Συμβουλή γιατρού !!! Έσπασα το πόδι μου Ο γιατρός και ο Πόντιος 3 μέρη Ο γιατρός. Един човек на патерици, влиза в кабинета, казва: O paciente chega para o médico chorando de dor e diz: - Doutor, quebrei meu braço em dois lugares. Preciso de ajuda. O que eu faço? O médico olha em seus olhos e diz: - Olha, rapaz, eu acho melhor você não voltar mais nesses lugares. - Доктор, я сломал руку в трех местах! - А зачем вы ходите в такие места?! Furiren får se soldat Svensson komma med armen i bandage och frågar: – Vad har du gjort? – Jag har brutit armen på två ställen, furir! – Då tycker jag att Svensson ska undvika de där ställena i... - Γιατρέ έσπασα το χέρι μου σε δυο μέρη. - Να αποφεύγεις αυτά τα δυο μέρη. Llega un hombre con un doctor y le dice: - Doctor, doctor, me rompí el brazo en varios sitios, ¿qué me recomienda? - Oh pues hombre, ya no vuelva pasar por esos sitios. - Γιατρέ πονάω σε 3 μέρη... - Να μην ξαναπάς εκεί...
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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?'
'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.'
Семейство от 15 години на прием при психолога. Той пита: Маж и жена после 15 години брак одат кај психолог на брачно советување.
Marriage and Family Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes
Супермен бил много отегчен - омръзнало му да се бори непрекъснато с престъпниците. летит супермен, вдруг видит на земле лежит красная шапочкаполностью... Ο Σούπερμαν Кога на Супермен му е досадно летит супермэн над нью-йорком. видит - на крыше лежит чудо-женщина. голая. раздвинув ноги. закрыв... Ok, So superman was flying around on day after he had saved the world. Superman rencontre Batman : Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell. He suddenly sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building. Superman survole la ville et aperçoit sur un balcon Wonder Woman, nue, les jambes écartées, en train de bronzer. Είναι ο Superman και θέλει απεγνωσμένα να κάνει σεξ. Superman stava sorvolando la terra alla velocità della luce. Improvvisamente vide Wonder Woman che giaceva distesa su una spiaggia deserta, nuda, con le gambe spalancate e la passerina in bella evidenza che trasudava piacere. Colto da tale miraggio decise che non poteva lasciarsi sfuggire... Superman est accoudé au comptoir du café du coin, pensif et surtout gêné. Batman passant par-là vient à sa rencontre. - Alors ça va superman ? - Oh non ! Tu ne devineras jamais ce qui m'est arrivé ! - Racontes... - Je survolais New York avec ma belle cape bleue, quand soudain en haut de... En kväll var stålmannen sugen på att gå ut och festa, men varken Läderlappen, Fantomen eller Spindelmannen kunde följa med. Stålmannen tog då en flygtur och kom snart till Superkvinnans hus. Med sin röntgensyn upptäckte han att Superkvinnan låg naken i sängen med benen brett isär. Om jag är... C'est superman qui vole au dessus de Metropolis. Là, il aperçoit Wonderwoman en train de bronzer nue, les jambes écartées et toute en sueur sur la terrasse d'un gratte ciel. Superman se dit:... Op een mooie dag heeft Superman genoeg van al dat mensen redden en is botweg retegeil! Lois Lane zit weer eens verwikkeld in een druk interview, dus daar kan Superman ook niets mee aanvangen. En... super kahramanlarin katildigi buyuk toplantiya katilmasi gereken superman toplantiya 1 saat gec kalmis. ve toplanti odasina girdiginde de hali perisanmis. batman sormus: - hey, superman, ne oldu... Un día estaba SUPERMAN volando alrededor de la guarida de los justicieros, y ve a la MUJER MARAVILLA desnuda a 4 patas gozando en el suelo, se calienta Superman saca el cañón y emprende un vuelo... Estaba Superman super caliente volando por el cielo necesitado, cuando vio a la Mujer Maravilla tomando el sol en la terraza totalmente desnuda y con las piernas abiertas. Superman pensó: – Esta es... Superman was bored and wanted to go out, he called all his super friends but they were all busy. He even calls Louis but it’s her time of the month. He flies to the liquor store and buy some beer... Teräsmies lenteli taivaalla ja näki kerrostalon katolla ihmenaisen ilkialastomana ottamassa aurinkoa. Teräsmies ajatteli: ”Mitäs jos kävisisin vetämässä pikaiset, ei ihmenainen huomaisi mitään”... C’est Superman qui rencontre Batman. Il raconte : - L’autre soir, je survolais l’océan à la recherche de marins à sauver des eaux, enfin quoi, la routine. Tout à coup, sur une plage d’une île du... Superman meséli: - Te Batman, képzeld, ahogy repülök, meglátom a Macskanőt egy tetőn, amint széttárt lábakkal meztelenül fekszik egy matracon, és kéjesen vonaglik. Annyira megkívántam, hogy... Superman és Batman mesélik egymásnak kalandjainkat. Mondja Superman: - Múltkor, ahogy repülök a Central Park felett, látom, ahogy egy gyönyörű barna nő szétterpesztett lábakkal élvezkedik a füvön.... Летит как-то Бэтмен, видит - на крыше небоскреба лежит голая Белоснежка и тащится. Бэтмен расстегивает на лету ширинку, пикирует, падает на Белоснежку, делает свое дело и улетает. Белоснежка была в... Superman wil effe lekker los. Dus hij belt de man van zes miljoen en zegt: "Hee lullo ga je mee zuipen?" Waarop het antwoord is: "Nee, ik moet m'n vliegen nog voeren." Superman: "Ok, dan bel ik... Cica era odata Superman si zbura deasupra unui zgarie-nori. La un moment dat o vede pe Femeia-Fantastica intinsa pe un bloc exact in pozitie,cu picioarele desfacute. Superman excitat sta si se... Teräsmies oli eräänä kauniina päivänä lentelemässä ihan vaan huvin vuoksi. Yhtäkkiä hän huomasi ihailemansa Kissanaisen ilkosillaan haarat levällään erään rakennuksen katolla. Nyt täytyy käyttää... Superhelte Supermand har haft en hård dag og beslutter derfor at samle nogle af vennerne og smutte ned på den lokale bar og få et par øl. Han ringer til Batman, men Batman siger: "Jeg er for træt,...
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