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A little old lady went to the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.
She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your ваlls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a sтuрid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my ваlls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his ваlls, turning from side to side, again and again.
He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his ваlls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet" "$25,000 says the president's ваlls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.
The president complied.
The little old lady peered closely at his ваlls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly ваnging his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady, "What the hеll's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the Bank of Canada's president's ваlls in my hand."

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Money jokes | Dirty jokes | Old People Jokes | Lawyer Jokes

Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family."
Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."

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Sports Jokes | Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him,
"Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck."

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke | One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

Received a call from a recruitment lady.
She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you."
Me: "Yes I Know."
*Awkward silence*
She: "Аsshоlе"
Me: "I prefer the other one."

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Work Jokes, Office Jokes | Dirty jokes

A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

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Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes | Police, Policemen, Cops and Law Enforcement jokes

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.

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Food Jokes | Waiter Jokes, Waiters Jokes | Cosmos jokes, Space jokes

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.

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Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke | One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

Why did Mozart кill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say:
"Bach, Bach, Bach."

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Animal Jokes | Music jokes, Musician Jokes | Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

The mother said, ''Son don't say рiss in church. Next time you have to рiss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''

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Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes | Church jokes | Dad Jokes

SuperBowl!
What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys

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Sports Jokes | Money jokes | Cowboys And Indians jokes, Wild wild west jokes | Soccer jokes, Football jokes | Communication Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

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Jokes about Women | School jokes, Teacher Jokes

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife's birthday.
At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sеxy to make her feel good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has.
Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife. Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.
Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all.
So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark nакеd. She calls out, ''Marvin, come out to the hallway and look.''
Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, ''All that money and they didn't even iron it?!''

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Money jokes | Men-Women jokes | Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes | Old People Jokes | Customer service jokes | Secretary Jokes

Every Wednesday night at St. Rocco’s Catholic Church is a marriage seminar for husbands.One night Father Gill asked Fabio to share his secrets for staying happily married for almost 50 years.
Fabio explained that he’d tried to treat his wife nice, buy her a few things, and best of all, he took her to Rome for their 25th anniversary.
Father Gill asked:
“So what are you going to do for your 50th?
”Fabio proudly answered, “I’m gonna go pick her up!”

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

There once was a man who was so proud of the fact that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife "mother of six."
His wife hated this name and asked him repeatedly not to call her that, but he was a stubborn man and was very proud that he had six kids. One evening they were at a dinner party for his company and it was getting close to the time that they should be leaving. The husband yelled from across the room over to his wife:
"Mother of six, are you ready to go?"
Annoyed with his question, she responded:
"In a minute, Father of four."

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I'm sorry to tell you but your mother and I are getting a divorce.
I just cannot tolerate any more of her constant complaining. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I'm telling you first, Jerry, because you're the oldest. Please tell your sister."
When Jerry calls his sister Julie in Miami, she says: "No way are they getting divorced. I'll go there for Thanksgiving and talk them out of it."
Julie phones here father and tells him: "You must not get divorced. Promise me you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Jerry and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action. Please listen to me." Then she hangs up.
The father puts down the phone, turns to his wife Frances and says, "Good news! Jerry and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they're both paying their own way."

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Thanksgivings jokes

Two blonde engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,' said one, 'but we don't have a ladder.'
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, 'Twenty one feet, six inches,' and walked away.
One blonde engineer shook his head and laughed, 'A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length.'

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Jokes about Women | Blonde Jokes

MONDAY: - Everybody hates me!

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One Liner Jokes, Short jokes | Monday jokes

A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position.
His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?"
"Not even a little," said the young man.
"How about alcoholic beverages?"
"Never touch 'em," he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."

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Jokes about Women | Work Jokes, Office Jokes | Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes | Drug Jokes | Communication Jokes