Newest jokes - Page 2373

What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?
Not enough cement.
Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
At the city morgue.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers?
The porcupine has рriскs on the outside.

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Did you hear that the post office had to recall a recent stamp release?
The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

My mother and my girlfriend are wearing the same perfume, which is weird because, all of a sudden, Im attracted to my girlfriend.

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One-Liner Jokes

I was out last Sunday -- I didnt see any signs, nobody to ask, so I lit a cigarette. This woman lost all control of her воdily functions. Put it out, please, put it out. I turned around -- she was three pews away!

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One-Liner Jokes

I was in Lowe's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says,
"That's OK, it's a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife,too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said,
"Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big воовs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no вrа. What does your wife look like?"
I said,
"Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most old guys are helpful like that.

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Blonde Jokes Boob Jokes

Question: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other? Answer: An air mattress.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for heads, and no for tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers." Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Curtis

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Blonde Jokes

Did ya hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen french fries to a poker game? Someone told her to bring her own сhiрs.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear? A: Data transfer.

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Blonde Jokes

A high school student stared thoughtfully at the second question on his exam, which read, “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of America in any given year.”
Suddenly, his brow cleared, and he wrote, “1492: None.”

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes

You know whats fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 Just Because cards. They cant even ask you why you did it.

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One-Liner Jokes

Say what you want about Pedophiles but at least they drive slow through school zones

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School Jokes

Chuck Norris died this morning. But don't worry, he's completely fine now.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man walks into a bar and he's really рissеd. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, Â“All lawyers are аsshоlеs. Â” A man sitting in the corner shouts, Â“I take offence to that!Â” The рissеd-off guy asks him, Â“Why? Are you a lawyer?Â” He replies, Â“No, I'm an аsshоlе. Â”

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Lawyer Jokes

There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer. For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said,
"Stethascope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton. The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try. The engineer said,
"Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.) The dog built a suspension bridge. The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick? The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and sсrеwеd the other two dogs.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Dog jokes

Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde's freezer? A: She forgot the recipe.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sеxuаl performance problem. Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud physician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viаgrа, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history."
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What does your wife think about it?"
"Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't been home yet."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Insurance Comedy

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones. the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok". after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out"

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Blonde Jokes

"Time separates the best of friends," said one women to another.
"How true," replied the other. "Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you're thirty-five and I'm twenty-nine!"

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One-Liner Jokes

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