Newest jokes - Page 2374

She was so blonde... She got stabbed in a shoot-out. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'. She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order. She tried to drown a fish. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.' She tripped over a cordless phone. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.' She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store. If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless. She studied for a blood test... and failed. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train. She sold the car for gas money. When she saw the 'NC-17' (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Веll is where you pay your phone bill. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

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A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.
He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says,
"Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident.
See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive вrеаsтs in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'.... So she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue-twister too.
I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.'
But I accidentally said, 'You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fат-assed вiтсh.'

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again. She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them. She comes back and says,
"The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"

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Blonde Jokes American Presidents Humor

A guy from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin the lawyer in California, and they went for a hike in Yellowstone Park.
While they were hiking they were attacked by 2 bears, one male and one female. The male bear dismembered and ate the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape.
He ran straight to the nearest Rangers station, and told them what had happened, and they sent out a group of rangers to see what was going on.
Sure enough, the Rangers arrived at the place that the lawyer mentioned, and there were the female and the male bears. So one of the Rangers took his rifle and shot the female.
So the other Rangers asked "why did you shoot the female? he said that the male ate his friend" So the Ranger answers "Would you believe a lawyer if he told you that the Czech is in the male?"

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Lawyer Jokes

The government bill to ban alcohol was met by a chorus of вооzе.

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One-Liner Jokes

I have found some ways to use feminism to my own advantage -- mostly to remain lazy and disgusting.

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One-Liner Jokes

Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: Their 80s? The hеll kind of sеx is that? Was it good for you? I dont remember. It was three minutes ago!, Who are you?!?.

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One-Liner Jokes

Judge: Are you defending yourself?
Defendant: Yes, your Honor.
Judge: You know that if you cannot afford it, the State may appoint you a lawyer.
Defendant: I know, your Honor, but I don't want one. I plan to tell the truth.

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side. She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across. After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her--across the bridge.

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Blonde Jokes

Have you heard about the new blonde paint? Its cheap, thick, and spreads real easy...

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

One day, a blonde drove by a cornfield and saw another blonde out in the field trying to row a boat. "Geez, I hate blondes like that," said the blonde as she drove by. "If I could swim I'd go out there and kick her вuтт!"

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Whats the advantage of having a blonde as a girlfriend? A: You get to park in handicapped zones.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What does the left leg of a blonde say to her right leg?
Nothing they have never met.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50.00."

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Lawyer Jokes

An blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the blonde girl. "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames" Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Curtis

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Blonde Jokes

I knew a blonde that was so sтuрid that....... * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. *she studied for a blood test. *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. *when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. *when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

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Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes

A blonde walked in a diner and orders a cup of coffee. When she gets her drink, she notices that it has a "contest game piece" on the side of the cup. She peels off the sticker and instantly starts screaming, "I won a motor home!" She continues shoulting, "I won a motor home!" until the waitress decides to get her boss. "What's the problem here?" the manager asks. "I won a motor home!" she shouts again. "That's impossible!" he replies. "We didn't give out motor homes." She says "Well, it says so on this sticker." The boss takes the sticker and reads it. It says:
"Win a bagel."

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes Coffee Jokes

How do you кill 4000 lawyers? A: You build a new Titanic and declare it cannot sink. Q: What's the strongest argument against both theories of origin? A: Politicians and lawyers. Who in their right mind would create (or evolve into) these species? Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough. Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand. Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy. Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: One's a bottom-crawling sсuм sucker and the other's just a fish. Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a catfish? A: One's slimey and has whiskers, and the other one lives in the water.

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Lawyer Jokes School Jokes

Quotes by Lawyers
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Were you alone or by yourself?
How long have you been a French Canadian?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
So you were gone until you returned?

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Lawyer Jokes

One day an engineer dies. He was kind that built lots of things, like air conditioners. When he went to heaven he met God. God says "Go to hеll, you're not on my list."
So after going 30,255,391 stairs to hеll, he lets the devil know who he is and so the devil says "Hey, come on in!"
In hеll the engineer built airplanes, buildings, cars, etc. God sees this and says "Hey devil, you know that engineer guy. He needs to come back to heaven."
The devil says "Are you crazy, I'm not gonna let you have him." To which God says "If you dont let me have him, I'll sue."
Devil says "You can't sue! You dont even have lawyers up there!"

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Lawyer Jokes Aviation Jokes

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