Newest jokes - Page 260

Q: Why didn't they make two Yogi bears?
A: Because someone made a Boo Boo.

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Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on сосаinе and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's аss and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

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What do you call the Xerox of a воnеr?
Hard Copy.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Used to be Willie Thomas, now they're named Muhammad Mustafa Ufumu.
I can't spell it; they can say it, man. Talkin' about, 'Assalamu Alaykum - what's that mean to you?' I said, 'More pork chops.'

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

What's wrinkled and smells like gingеr?
Fred Astaire's face.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

"In honor of the late George Carlin, here are seven more words you can't say on TV: ''And the Emmy goes to Bob Saget."
Jeffrey Ross

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Funny Quotes

Q: What were Tarzan's last words?
A: Who greased the viiiiiiiine?

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he had a wooden d**k?
A: His hand caught on fire.

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Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
A: Neither has he.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.
"Fairy," he said. "I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads."
"Granted!" said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little toady реnis was still yellow.
"What about my реnis?" he asked the fairy.
"Oh! For that, you'll have to go see the wizard." And so the toad hopped off to find the wizard. Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his реnis was still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.
"How do I find the wizard?" he asked.
"Just follow the yellow d**k toad."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

A toad with a yellow реnis wants to fit in with the other toads in the neighborhood, so he decides to see the local wizard.
"You'll have to go to the wizard in Kansas, because I can't help you," says the wizard.
The next day, an elephant comes in with a pink реnis and asks the the wizard to make it gray.
Once again, the wizard says, "You'll have to go to the wizard in Kansas."
"How do I get there?"
"Oh, it's easy - just follow the yellow-d**ked toad."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Ugly clothes last a long time, don't they?
You can't wear out ugly clothes. I used to just crawl to school on my knees, trying to put a hole in the jeans, man. They still built them tough - you can't wear them out.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes School Jokes

What did the groupie get sleeping with the entire band?
Flaming Lips!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

-That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was.
-Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.
-Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
-Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants...
-Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.
-I mean come on, people. . . the dude LOST TO STEELY DAN!!!
-Thanks to a recent surgery, her head's no longer implanted deep within her own rестuм.
...And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For Divorce. . .
-Sick of dating a rich, famous, abusive ваsтаrd. Would like to try a poor, unknown abusive ваsтаrd for a change.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?
A: He saw the phone bill.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What's the definition of "wicker box"?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Britney Spears.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Q: What county in Ireland hates "South Park?"
A: Killkenny.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.
The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Who Is God?
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both, son, God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both, son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes, son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and asks, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

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