Newest jokes - Page 2605

Top ten ways the Internet could get worse
10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.
9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet lawyers Canter & Siegel.
8. Home shopping "network".
7. Netrek corporate sponsorships. Out: Orion, Pollux, Klingus. In: Planet Bud, Toyota Prime, Intelworld.
6. Sun internet servers replaced with pentiums.
5. Dan Quayle appointed head of "bandwidth expansion tiger team".
4. Free netcom account with purchase of big mac.
3. Gameboy web browsers.
2. Tipper Gore cancelbot unleashed onto the net.
And the number one way the internet can get worse:
1. Two words:
"Microsoft Network"

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Lawyer Jokes

Chuck Norris can rotate text in MS Paint.

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into вееr.

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Religion jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wine jokes Bible Jokes Beer Jokes

What is a zebra?
A horse behind bars.

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Animal Jokes

A man goes to a sреrм bank and says,
"I'd like to make a deposit please."
The doctor says,
"Go and fill this up," and gives the man a bottle.
Three days later the man returns to the sреrм bank, marches into the doctor's office and says,
"I've tried with my left hand and tried with my right hand. My wife has tried with her left hand and her right hand. My mother-in-law has tried with a rubber glove on and even took her teeth out and tried with her mouth -- none of us can get the top off that bottle!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Banker Jokes

An aging comedian is a guest on a late night talk show.
"What do you have coming up?" the interviewer asks him.
"Mostly phlegm."

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One-Liner Jokes

I'd like to build a barn over Christmas, if I can find space in my shed-yule.

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Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Annual UKTV channel Gold poll. 2000 Brits voted their favourite festive gags, these are top 20. 20. What is Coleen Rooney's favourite Christmas game?
Guess Who. 19. Q: What pantomime are the government doing this year?
Chris Whittington. 18. Q: Why does Jackie Weaver control the weather at Christmas?
She has snow authority. 17. Q: Why will Keir Starmer be sad on Christmas morning?
He'll still have no presence. 16. Q: Which 'Friends' character nearly missed the 2021 Reunion Show due to the Test and Trace app?
Chandler Ping. 15. Q: Which vaccine did the Three Wise Men have?
The Wiser Jab. 14. Q: Why does Emma Raducanu get to carry the crystal glasses at Christmas dinner?
They know she's unlikely to drop a set. 13. Q: Why did Matt Hancock have to buy his aide really expensive Christmas presents?
She had him up against a wall. 12. Q: Why are we only having broccoli, cabbage and peas as veg this Christmas?
Because 52% of the family said no to Brussels. 11. Q: Why does Christmas scrabble take so long with Boris Johnson?
He keeps going back on his word. 10. Q: Why can Netflix afford calamari at Christmas?
They're Squids in. 9. How do you know the heating bill for December is too high?
Dad won't even let you open the windows on your advent calendar. 8. Q: Why didn't Santa replace Comet and Cupid when they left to become HGV drivers?
It was just two deer. 7. Q: Why did Rudolph's nose have to self-isolate?
It failed the lateral glow test. 6. Q: Which vaccine did Father Christmas get?
Mince Pfizer. 5. Q: Which relative will not be at Chris Whitty's Christmas dinner?
Aunty Vaxxer. 4. Q: What's Piers Morgan's favourite Christmas song?
Walking off on air. 3. Q: Why won't Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson see each other this Christmas?
They all want space. 2. Q: Why is Christmas dinner vegan this year?
Because Turkey is on the red list but vegetables are all green. 1. Q: Why are people cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas?
The cost of gas is too high.

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Christmas Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes Superhero Jokes

What do Blondes say after sеx? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Who were the first two black women?
Aunt Jemima and Mother Fuскеr!

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Jokes about Women Vulgar jokes Black People Jokes

What do gаy horses eat?
Hay.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

I have a scary joke about math but im 2² to say it.

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Math Jokes

I have a statistics joke, but it's not significant.
I have a regression joke, but it sounds quite mean.
I have a machine learning joke, but it is not performing as well on a new audience.
I have a joke about deep learning but I can't explain it.
I have a geography joke, but I don't know where it is.

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School Jokes Computer Jokes

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small воовs.

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Dating Jokes Boob Jokes

What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea?
"Look I found deep nuts."

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
December 18, 1992
In October, a cleaning crew accidentally tossed out an exhibit at the Museum of Discovery and Science in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The exhibit consisted of 14,000 cigarette butts -- the amount a smoker produces in a lifetime -- crammed into coffee cans. Said the artist, in defense of the cleaning crew, "(The butts) didn't smell very good."

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Coffee Jokes

Billy:
"I was playing basketball and an Asian crossed me."
Mark:
"Haha, how does an Asian cross you?"
Billy:
"Because he crosses multiplies."

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Sports Jokes Asian jokes Math Jokes

Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes

For six years, the young attorney had worked incredibly long hours in his quest to make partner, and had taken only brief respites at a nearby country inn. During his last, brief visit, he had a moment of passion with the innkeeper's daughter. Having done little but stare at the walls of his office since then, he looked forward to his next trip to the inn, in the hope that they could pick up where they left off. Finally, he had another chance to take a couple of days off. Excited, he hauled his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Why didn't you call me when you learned you were pregnant?" he asked. "You know I would have have done the right thing, we could have been married. I would be a good provider."
"Well," she said,
"When my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a ваsтаrd in the family than a lawyer." Submitted by Curtis Edited by Yisman

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Lawyer Jokes

Every time Chuck Norris farts a hurricane forms.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Fart Jokes Weather jokes

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