Newest jokes - Page 313

Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gаy?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, “Watch that wall!”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Yo mamma so sтuрid, when I said lets hit the dance floor, she stated hitting it.

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Insult Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

What does a man make best for dinner?
Reservations.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A doctor asks a patient while examining her:
How many sеx partners did you have?
5 or 6, don't remember exactly..
Hmm, not that many...
Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door.
The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door.
A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."
"What?" askes the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her тiтs for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hun?
I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"

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Money jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Pet Jokes Boob Jokes

A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years.
And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.

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Facebook Jokes History Jokes

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my раnтiеs.”

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Love Jokes

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested.
Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.'
After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Banker Jokes

Yo momma's so fат...
The animals at the zoo feed her.

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Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

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Life Jokes

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.

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Life Jokes

The scene is a dark jungle.
Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey!
Cut it out, all right!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front.
The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"

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Lawyer Jokes Single People Jokes

An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.

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Men jokes Life Jokes

You want to come in my life, the door is open.
You want to get out of my life, the door is open.
Just one request.
Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.

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Life Jokes

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!

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Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes

Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

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Food Jokes

Q: What did the fire monster that was slayed by the water monster say?
A: "You're cold."

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Communication Jokes

How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes

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