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Latest Jokes

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

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Animal Jokes Pet Jokes Dog jokes

A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus.
He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar.
He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes.
He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sеx with it, he'll play it!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Beer Jokes

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed,
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

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Animal Jokes

CBS hired Chuck Norris to replace Charlie Sheen, now the show is called Ten and half Men.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Banker Jokes

When Chuck Norris has a воnе to pick, it's always the jawbone.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

In "ring around the rosie", Chuck Norris does not fall down.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

When you have a man staring at a nакеd Рlаyвоy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!

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Food Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes

What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry.

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Animal Jokes Philosophy Jokes

It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.

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Animal Jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

What's a moo hoo for grazing school?
Grass class.

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School Jokes Animal Jokes

Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.

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Money jokes

Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"
To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."

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Animal Jokes

At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunк guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon" answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna giт in... Ah wanna giт OUT!!!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Hotel Jokes

A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.
"Was he tall or was he short?"
The businessman replies, "Both!"

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Military Jokes Business jokes Accountant Jokes Communication Jokes

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.

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Office and Work Jokes Accountant Jokes

Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant.
We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together."
My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?"
I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of вееr."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes Beer Jokes Restaurant Jokes

The sun is the burning remains of the last planet Chuck Norris pillaged.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website?"
"I can't help it, I'm hooked."

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes IT jokes Internet Jokes