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Latest Jokes

Wife:
"In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband:
"I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes

Why do police dogs liск their ваlls?
To get the taste of Niggеr out their mouths.

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Black People Jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dog jokes

Why did the sемеn cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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Jokes

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars need to check both ways.

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Car and driving jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frogs finger.

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Sex Jokes

What do you call a black guy driving a plane?
A pilot.

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Dark Humor Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyoncè.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

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Christmas Jokes Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends.
But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying.
While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere.
I 'ave a request for ye."
Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.
"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere.I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."
O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."
"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.
Bottled the year I was born it was.
After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."
O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey.
But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

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Friendship Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Two cows were talking.One соw asked the other"
I wonder what hamburgers are made of?"
The other соw replied "YOUR MOM!

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says.
But here’s what to do.
Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suск out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."

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Friendship Jokes

There is a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled in Cheetos.

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One-Liner Jokes

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Sluт - "I hate you вiтсh"
Blonde - "Your such a sluт, I bet your nакеd under those clothes."

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Blonde Jokes

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

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Relationship Jokes Fitness jokes

Q:How do you know a clock is still hungry?
A: It goes back four seconds.

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Food Jokes

Q: Why is a baseball game a good place to go on a hot day?
A: Because there are lots of fans.

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Sports Jokes

Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?
A: One is slimy, a реsт, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

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Animal Jokes Political Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Q: How do you drown a blonde in a submarine?
A: Knock on the door.

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Police Officer Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes