Newest jokes - Page 69

Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."

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Why do so many women fake оrgаsм?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.
"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

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Gross Jokes

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!

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Animal Jokes News and Politics Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A guy goes to a house of prostitution.
He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.
She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.
He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there.
He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, sсrеw her. It's paid for."

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Prostitute Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: How do you identify a bald eagle?
A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.

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Animal Jokes Beauty Jokes

The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

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Yo mama so sтuрid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.

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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Science jokes

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

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Funeral jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sеx with?
Anything for the family.

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Redneck jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how sтuрid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"
"There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was sтuрid?"

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Irish jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Stupid Jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sеx before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

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Sex Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Greek,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Неll:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Greek.

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Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

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School Jokes

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?"
The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages...
Tell you what..
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuск her."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

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Fishing Jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes

Two Yankee boys were driving through the South and was stopped by a State Trooper.
The trooper walked up to the open driver’s window, reached in, and slapped the driver on the side of his head.
"What did you do that for?" the driver asked.
"I don’t know how yall do it up north but here in Alabama, you have your drivers license ready when I walk up to the car."
The trooper took the license when it was offered, walked back to his unit and then returned the license to the driver.
He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window.
When the passenger rolled the window down, the trooper reached in and slapped the passenger on the side of the head.
"What did you do that for?" asked the startled passenger.
"Well," responded the trooper, "I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You’ll get about two miles down the road and then say, 'I wish that redneck woulda tried that with me!'"

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Redneck jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

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