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Двама младоженци обсъждат къде да прекарат медения си месец. - Миличкоо, за рожденият ми ден искам да отида някъде, където не съм била досега - Пробвай в кухнята. Enkele dagen geleden vroeg ik mijn vrouw waar we heen zouden gaan voor onze Huwelijksdag. Ergens waar ik lang niet meer geweest ben, antwoordde ze. Toen stelde ik voor om naar de keuken te... Le pregunté a mi mujer adónde quería ir para nuestro aniversario. Ella me dijo: "A algún lugar en el que no haya estado hace mucho tiempo". Así que le sugerí la cocina. Una signora un pò snob dice al marito: "Tesoro, ho bisogno di cambiare, vorrei passare le vacanze di Natale in un posto dove non sono mai stata!" E il marito duramente: "Bene, penso che dovresti... Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen? I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is a Christian sаinт and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could вlоw the сrар out of him."
Valentine's Day Jokes Religion jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Love Jokes American Jokes
Станала страшна катастрофа, хората на парчета, кървища... Leiche vorm Gymnasium Un giorno su un'autostrada c'è un incidente con dei morti..arriva la polizia e deve fare il verbale allora un poliziotto prende la penna e inizia a scrivere: Se produce un accidente. Llega la policía local. Un sargento y un ayudante. Zwei Polizisten werden zum Gymnasium gerufen, weil dort eine Leiche gefunden wurde. Der eine will den Bericht verfassen und fragt den anderen: Incidente stradale con 2 morti e 4 feriti. Arti umani sparsi tra le macerie delle auto e sulla strada. Due carabinieri fanno il verbale. "Gamba destra vicino sportello posteriore sinistro Panda... Двајца полицајци разгледуваат сообраќајна несреќа. Првиот прашува: - Каде е ногата? Другиот одговара: - В нива. - А каде е раката? - В нива. - А главата? - На асвалтот. - Се пишува "асвалт" или... Una pattuglia di carabinieri giunge in una strada statale dove e' appena avvenuto un gravissimo incidente... Il maresciallo scende dall'auto e subito e' schifato da tutto quel sangue e quei morti...
Police Officer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Αμπντουλάχ !! Γκάγκα Жена корабокрушенка попада на остров. След време се натъкнала на дивашко племе. Вождът казал: Werden drei Forscher im Urwald von Eingeborenen gefangen genommen. Sagt der Häuptling zum ersten: There was a plane crash into the jungle. A group of men survived, but were caught by savages and taken to their village. Then, chief came out of his cabbin and said:"You can choose between TUNGA-MUNGA and DEATH. What is your choice?". They looked one another and screamed:" Tunga-munga,... Van 2 tíos por la jungla y los pilla una tribu. Se los llevan al poblado atados con cuerdas y los ponen delante del jefe. El jefe mosqueado al ver intrusos, se pone serio y le dice al primero: Tu castigo sera MACUMBA o LA MUERTE, escoge. El tipo confuso en un acto reflejo por salvar la vida... Um francês, um italiano e um argentino são os únicos sobreviventes de um navio que naufragou. Agarrados a um pedaço de pau, vão parar numa ilha tropical. De repente aparecem uns nativos brutamontes que agarram os náufragos e levam até o chefe deles. O chefe olha para o francês e pergunta: — Quer... Ein Missionar läuft in Afrika durch den Dschungel. Auf einmal stolpert er über eine Wurzel. Da stürzen lauter Eingeborene aus den Pflanzen hervor und halten den Missionar fest. Der Häuptling fragt... Due scienziati vengono catturati dagli indigeni nell’Africa Nera e rinchiusi in una gabbia. Dopo qualche ora il capo tribu’ apre la gabbia tira fuori un prigioniero e gli chiede: “Tu cosa... 3 people explored the jungles, one was was France, one from Britain, and the other from America. While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three “You... Deux explorateurs se font attraper par une tribu de sauvage dans la jungle. Le chef de la tribu au premier d'entre eux : - « Tu choisis : soit c'est Tchi-Tchi, soit c'est la mort ! » L'explorateur... Gita in Africa. un gruppo di 10 persone viene catturato dalla tribù dei bunga bunga, il capo della tribù si avvicina a al primo: "Scegli morire o bunga bunga?" E lui: "Se posso scegliere scelgo... Certo dia um homem viajou para uma reserva da África para caçar. De repente ele é surpreendido por uma tribo de índios. Os indios o amarraram no tronco de uma árvore, e o chefe perguntou a ele: —...
Sailor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy scout and a pastor were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said "I'm the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped, also. The pastor looked at the little boy scout and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."The little boy scout handed the parachute back to the pastor and said "Not to worry, Preacher. 'The smartest man in the world' just jumped out with my back pack."
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Пациент се оплаква на психиатъра си: Chiste del hombre que sueña con ratones jugando al futbol Ο τελικός Приходит больной к врачу: - Доктор, помогите, уже месяц не сплю спокойно. Мне постоянно снятся крысы, которые играют в футбол. - Вот вам микстура, выпейте, у вас все пройдет. - А можно я выпью ее послезавтра? - Да, но почему? - А у них завтра финал! Een man gaat naar de dokter en zegt: “Ik kan ‘s avonds niet goed slapen ik heb allemaal rare dromen.” Dokter: “Wat droomt u dan allemaal?” “Ik zie allemaal schapen die aan het voetballen zijn.”...
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