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Latest Jokes

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket, which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about halfway up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

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Europe and European Union Jokes

My mate was getting ready for a date with some ugly girl he met.
He asked “What do you think i should wear?”
“A Blindfold” i said.

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Ugly Jokes

Johnny Cochran walks into OJ Simpson’s hotel room and finds him packing his suitcase. “Where are you planning on going?” asks Cochran. “I’m going to Cancun” replies OJ. “No! No! No!” says Johnny. “I didn’t say that you were going to Cancun! I said…you are going to the can Сооn!”

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Stupid Jokes Hotel Jokes

Омg! I just hit a woman on my bike.
Just kidding.. I don’t ride in the kitchen!

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

I heard this story in the late seventies. Just prior to a manned launch an insect was heard in the superstructure of the rocket. The risk analysis and decision had to be made to launch or to delay the launch and purge the insect. The risk was negligible so the rocket launch. The insect was dubbed the Gemini Cricket.

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Sci-Fi Jokes

A selfie stick is like a тамроn string.
Always a сunт at the other end.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

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Retirement Jokes Old People Jokes

Mary had a little Sheep,
With the Sheep she went to sleep.
Sheep Turned out to be a RAM,
And Mary had a little Lamb.
- -------------
Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, “Hey, what happened to your cherry?”
- ---------------
Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
But Jill preferred the candlestick!
- --------------
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it’s ass
And turned it’s wool to nylon.
- --------------
Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a воnе.
But when old mother веnт over,
Rover drove her, because
Rover had a воnе of his own.

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Funny Poems Dog jokes

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”
George Carlin

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Philosophy Jokes

What's a cocoon? Same as a n-niggеr.

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Black People Jokes

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

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Motivational Jokes

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the horseshoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.

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Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes

I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I'll always think of you, and the time we spent together, as my happiest time. I'd do it all over again, if I had the choice. No regrets.

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Love Jokes

-How is Ruth?
- Not sure. I broke up with her last month.
- Oh no. You're so Ruthless.
- And how long have you been waiting to use that?
- I'd rather not say.

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Life Jokes

You traded your iPhone 4 for an extra half inch? I hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.

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One-Liner Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am.
You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.
CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer.
That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?
TECH: I'm not sure I understand?
CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?

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Friendship Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Internet Jokes Banker Jokes

The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.

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Sick and Death Jokes

Yo mama so fат, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.

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Fat Jokes Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout, "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuск up!

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Banker Jokes

A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through.
The doctor asked her:
"What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?"
The woman tells him only:
"Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left вrеаsт."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes