Newest jokes - Page 770

When a girl describes herself as “not like other girls”, I just assume she doesn’t have a vаginа.

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Funny Quotes

I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day.
Today is the only day when I can bring myself to tell my wife I love her.

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Valentine's Day Jokes Dating Jokes

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunк says, "There's a hеll of a lot of steps here."
The second drunк says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is вlооdy low down"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

America dropped Chuck Norris into North Korea, starting a nuclear war.

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USA Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Military Jokes

A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?"
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunк, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"

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Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes

You can unfriend and block me on Facebook, unfollow me on Twitter, delete and block my number but you will NEVER unlick my вuттhоlе.

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Social Network Jokes Facebook Jokes Dating Jokes

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie:
"Uh, let me see that map again."

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes

A really dumb woman tries to use her computer, but it wouldn't work. So she calls a computer repairman to come out and fix it. The computer repairman comes and looks at the computer. He notices that it wasn't plugged in, so he plugs it in. He starts up the computer and the woman was so overjoyed that she asks him what was wrong with the computer. He replied that it was an "I D 10 T error"

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Computer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel.
A few days later, he finds that he has caught сrавs.
He chases down the рrоsтiтuте and says, "hey вiтсh, you gave me сrавs".
She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"

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Dirty jokes

Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face?
A: It will kick off your ladder…

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Animal Jokes

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A Shaolin monk, a great philosopher and a priest were walking down a country road and came upon a young farm boy. At that moment the four of them looked up to see a chicken crossing the road.

The question arose, why does the chicken cross the road?

The Shaolin monk said it’s the destiny of the chicken to seek its own path.

The great philosopher said its action teaches a lesson in the ways of nature much like life itself.

The Priest said it’s because it follows the plan of our maker under his divine rule.

Just then the young farm boy spoke up, "Actually, it’s because I left the chicken coop door open."

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Priest Jokes

I met Hillary Clinton about seven months ago. Talk about strange bedfellows' right there. And we didn't even really talk to each other -- we kinda just stood next to each other at the urinаl for a couple of minutes.

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Blue Collar Jokes American Presidents Humor

First cannibal:
"Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal:
"What are you having?"
First cannibal:
"Hard-boiled legs."

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes

Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Restaurant Jokes

What did God say when he made the first niggеrs?
Oops! Burnt another one!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Black People Jokes

One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."

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Insult Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs.

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

One morning Lil Johnny walks into the classroom with no shirt on.
Teacher looks at him and asks where he has been.Johnny replies Blueberrys Hill.
The next day Johnny walks in with no pants on.
Teacher looks at him and asks where have you been.
Johnny replies Blueberrys Hill.
The next day Johnny comes in completly nакеd.
The teacher gasps and asks Johnny again where hes been.
Johnny replies Blueberrys Hill.
Johnny looks over his shoulder and sighs her she comes now.

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

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