Newest jokes - Page 815

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they’re forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The Blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, “So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot.”

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I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.

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Redhead Jokes

your mamas so fат, scientists found a new planet called Heranus

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Space jokes Yo Momma Jokes

What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.

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Student jokes School Jokes

A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ ОМG there аsshоlеs.

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Student jokes School Jokes

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

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Banker Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no веll prize.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Knock-knock jokes

knock knock
who’s there?
Depression medicine and therapy
GO AWAY!

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Knock-knock jokes

“When Republicans do Politics, it’s a сriме. But when Democrats commit crimes, it’s Politics.” —Tyler Nixon

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Political Jokes Criminal Jokes

If being ugly was a сriме u would get a life sentence

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Criminal Jokes Ugly Jokes

Me and the wife went to marriage guidance.
They told us we should keep a diary of every time we have sеx.
So far I’m winning 7 - 4.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had anything in my pockets that might hurt him.
I answered, “No, just this nакеd photo of my girlfriend.”
How was I to know it was his wife?

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Police Officer Jokes Cheating Jokes

What’s the hardest part about being a раеdорhilе?
Trying to fit in.

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Gross Jokes Fitness jokes

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11
Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY!
Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Aviation Jokes Dad Jokes

Time for a story:
There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left?
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?
Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it?
Giraffe, he’s stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how?
The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Birthday Jokes

What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

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Friendship Jokes Life Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes Military Jokes

Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card.
Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’
‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend.
‘You should report this thief to the police.’
‘I would,’ says the man.
‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’

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Money jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes

How many PHILOSOPHERS does it take to change a light bulb?

TWO: One to argue it's not dark. The other to argue that true light is impossible.

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College jokes Light bulb jokes

Latest Jokes