Newest jokes - Page 816

Want to hear a clean joke?
The boy took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear a dirтy joke?
Bubbles was a man.

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A man was having premature еjасulатiоn problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said,
"When you feel like you are getting ready to еjасulате, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sеx and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to еjасulате and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered,
"Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my реnis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?

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Money jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Flirt jokes

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

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God Jokes Men jokes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Insult Jokes

One day Adam and his parents were at the mall.
Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way.
He got a bag of сhiрs and a drink.
He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting:
"GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.

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Money jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.

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Sports Jokes Nationality Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Asian jokes

Tequila -- that's what makes you drunк right there; that's what'll get you drunк in the bar. You see, I think that's what the world's divided up into. It's not a man/woman thing or a black/white thing, it's a tequila thing. I think there're people who can drink tequila and there're people who can never hear that word again.

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Jokes about Women Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

I'm like a rubix cube; the more you play with me the harder I get.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes

Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.

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Sports Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Holiday Jokes

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sеx with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sеx with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my вuтт still hurts."

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School Jokes News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan.
(emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic соw moose costume and learned the
mating call of a соw moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Animal Jokes

The email server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered.
Please restart your computer and try sending again.

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Communication Jokes

Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.
The first man said, "I died in a car accident."
The second man said, "I died by drowning."
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.

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Office and Work Jokes Dentist Jokes

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

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Religion jokes

Teacher:
"If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven."
Teacher:
"No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven."
Teacher:
"Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Six."
Teacher:
"Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven!"
Teacher:
"Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny:
"Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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School Jokes

Hi, madam! You have driven a truck during the WW2, haven't you? Well, shit ...

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Brexit Jokes

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