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На стадион Уембли се провежда футболния мач на века - националният отбор на Англия срещу отбора на света. Светско првенство Super Bowl Парень купил билет на Кубок Мира по футболу у сотрудника. Ein Mann sitzt im eigentlich ausverkauften Stadion des Fußball-WM-Finales in Deutschland und hat neben sich einen leeren Sitz. Irritiert fragt er den Zuschauer auf der anderen Seite des leeren Platzes, ob der Platz jemanden gehöre. "Nein", lautet die Antwort. "Der Sitz ist leer? Aber das ist... Un avocat fou de football américain avait tout essayé pour obtenir des tickets pour la finale du Superbowl. Il parvint finalement, en payant une somme astronomique, à obtenir deux places côte à... Een man had tickets voor twee goede plaatsen voor de finale van de Champions League. Terwijl hij daar zit komt een andere man naar beneden en vraagt of het zitje naast hem bezet is. "Neen," zegt de... There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to... änglarna spelade match på Ullevi och det var fullsatt. En man upptäckte att det dock fanns en tom plats intill honom och vände sig till grannen: - Det ser ut att vara någon som fått förhinder. -... Finał mistrzostw świata. Pełen stadion, na całym stadionie, tylko jedno puste miejsce a obok niego siedzi jakiś samotny facet. Po meczu jeden z kibiców pyta tego faceta: - Czy to wolne miejsce... Mecz finałowy mistrzostw świata w piłce nożnej. Siedzi facet. Obok niego puste miejsce. Podchodzi do niego inny facet i pyta, czy ktokolwiek siedzi obok niego: - To miejsce jest wolne. -... It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if... It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him. "Can you believe it?" the man... Dai was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff. In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him. “Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind. “I got the ticket for my... Pokalspiel gegen Dortmund, der Sportpark ist ausverkauft, nur ein Sitzplatz auf der Tribüne bleibt leer. Der Besitzer der Karte erlaubt einem Zuschauer, der nur eine Stehplatzkarte ergattern... Um sujeito estava sentado na primeira fila de um daqueles espetáculos majestosos e caríssimos da Broadway onde, normalmente, os ingressos são vendidos com vários meses de antecedência, quando um... Een man had tickets voor de Gouden Medaille Volleybal wedstrijd te zien op de Olympische Spelen, Op de eerste rij. Als hij gaat zitten, komt een vrouw naar beneden en vraagt of iemand zit in de... Karel heeft eindelijk zijn kaarten voor de WK finale voetbal in zijn bezit gekregen. Als de wedstrijd begonnen is, vraagt een man achter hem of de plaats naast hem vrij is. "Ja", zegt Karel, "die... Joãozinho estava em um estádio de futebol lotado quando um cara que estava passando percebeu que só havia um lugar no estádio que não estava vago e que era ao lado dele. Ele não se conteve de... Ved næstsidste runde i Superligaen, skal FCK og BIF mødes i Parken. Alle billetter er blevet revet væk. Dagen kommer hvor braget skal spilles, og ved et tilfælde kommer 2 gutter, der kender... En el partido final de la Copa del mundo un hincha se queda muy extrañado al ver un asiento vacío, así que le pregunta al tipo de al lado: - Oiga, ¿usted sabe qué pasa con ese asiento?. - Sí, es... En ung mand var virkelig henrykt, da han vandt en billet til Verdensmesterskabet i fodbold imellem Frankrig og Danmark. Hans begejstring kølnedes imidlertid noget, da han fandt ud af, at hans Plads... Stadio Olimpico. Derby Roma – Lazio. Poco prima della partita, un tizio vede in piedi davanti a sè un posto proprio al centro della tribuna, ancora libero, mentre il suo è quasi dietro un pilone.... Na finálovém zápase SuperBowlu v americkém fotbale sedí chlápek na jednom z nejlepších míst. Na narvaných tribunách se mačká spousta lidí a vedle něj je jedno místo volné. Dalšímu chlápkovi v řadě... Egy férfi kap egy ingyenjegyet a focibajnokság döntőjére. Sajnos a jegy a stadion legtávolabbi helyére szól, ahonnan semmit sem lát. A félidőben észreveszi, hogy a pályához közel van egy üres szék.... Finalen i fodbold-VM spilles for et udsolgt stadion. Men en tilskuer ser, at sædet ved siden af er tomt. Til manden på den anden side af sædet siger han: - Hvem er så skør at købe billet til... Stadio. Poco prima della partita, un tizio in piedi vede un bel posto libero, con ottima visuale, proprio al centro della tribuna. Si avvicina e chiede all’uomo seduto a fianco: “Per caso e’ libero... Két férfi beszélget a színházban. Az előttük lévő szék üres. Mondja az egyik: - Te, ez a jegy olyan drága volt! Nézd meg, valaki van olyan bunkó, hogy el se jön! Azután megszólal az üres szék... Финале на светско првенство во фудбал. Целиот стадион распродаден уште пред 5 месеци, а Трпе седи до празно место. Приоѓа некој и со чудење го прашува Трпе. - Абе, дечки кој будала не дошол да го... Marakana puna ko oko, igra se večiti derbi, samo jedna stolica prazna na zapadnoj tribini. Pita gledalac gospodina pored prazne stolice: - Da li možda znate čije je to mesto? - Moje pokojne supruge... A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the... There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for... A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for... John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an... Adam Trabzon'un maçına gitmiş. Aldığı bilet tribünün en uzak köşesinde. Yerine oturmuş ve ilk yarıyı güç bela seyretmiş. O arada ön tarafta tam ortada bir koltuğun boş olduğunu farketmiş... Devre... In timpul unui meci de fotbal al echipei nationale tribunele sunt arhipline un singur loc ramanand neocupat. Posesorul biletului ii ofera locul unui spectator care statea in picioare. - Stiti, pe... Vyriškis ateina į ilgai lauktas pasaulio taurės futbolo varžybas, nusiperka užkandžių, gėrimų, atsisėda į savo vietą. Už jo sėdintis žiūrovas jo paklausia: - Atsiprašau, ar šita vieta šalia Jūsų...
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A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.
When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.”
“Oy vey,” said the father. “What have I done?” He took his problem to his best friend, Ike.
“Ike,” he said, “I sent my son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?”
“Funny you should ask,” said Ike. “I too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi.
So they did, and they explained their problem to the rabbi.
“Funny you should ask,” said the rabbi. “I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?”
And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons
As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the Heavens:
“Funny you should ask,” said the Voice. “I, too, sent my Son to Israel . . .
Religion jokes Friendship Jokes Christian Jokes
One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local pharmacy. And while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for my seven-year-old son and me.
It was a bag of gold coins (gold foil-covered chocolate candy coins).
There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home. Then my son and I opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the вiggеr dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones.
The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the pharmacy again to pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that our son had picked up a Gold Coin соndом. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and asked the pharmacist: “What’s this?”
The woman, looking very serious, said: “That’s a соndом, son.”
To which my son replied: “My daddy bought me some of these yesterday!”
With a disgusted look on her face, the pharmacist replied: “Those are NOT for children, young man.”
And finally, my son replied: “Then I’ll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!”
===
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, Fosters, and notices his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill’s shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sеx with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sеx. Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that may be she should pay him more attention and may be she can then shake some more cash out of him again.
So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he’s from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne.
“So am I… What suburb in Melbourne?”
“Glen Iris” he replies.
“That’s amazing…” she says, “…so am I - what Street?”
“Cameo Street” he replies.
“This is unbelievable…” she says, “… what number?”
He says, “Number 20” and she is totally astonished.
“You are not going to believe this but I’m from Number 22 and my parents still live there!”
“I know…” he says, “…your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you”
Sex Jokes Australia Jokes Bad Habits Jokes
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, “if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies, “That would be an accident, not a tragedy.” A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, “If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies once again with: “That would be a great loss, not a tragedy.” All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says “If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!” Says Bill Clinton “How do you know?” Matthew says happily, “It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!”
Political Jokes Aviation Jokes Bill Clinton Jokes School Jokes American Presidents Humor
The Bachelor's Life La chica de la lasaña y el cajero gracioso Single? Момиче пазарува в магазина и на касата: Жена пазарувала в супера. Докато оставяла нещата на лентата един пияница се приближил, огледал подробно покупките и и казал тихо: Una chica entra en un supermercado y compra lo siguiente: A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man. Uma mulher passava as compras no caixa de supermercado percebeu que um bêbado examinava detalhadamente seus itens de compra: * 2 caixas de leite integral * 1 dúzia de ovos * 1 litro de suco de laranja * 1 alface americana * 1 kg de café; e * 1 pacote de bacon fatiado. Enquanto o caixa registrava,... A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the... A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For... Een vrouw ging naar de winkel waar ze de volgende spullen kocht : * 1 liter melk * 1 doos eieren * 1 liter fruitsap * 1 pak koffie * 1 ons ham * 1 doos Cup-a-Soup Terwijl ze haar... En pige lægger sine varer op ved kassen: 1 tomat, 1 lille pose kaffe, 1 frossen færdigret, 1 tærte, 1 müslibar og en frossen pizza! Manden ved kassen spørger smilende: – Single, hva? Pigen smiler... En pige vader ind i et supermarked, og køber følgende: 1 stykke sæbe 1 tandbørste 1 tube tandpasta 1 lille franskbrød 1 liter mælk 1 æble 1 banan 1 appelsin 1 liter juice 1 glas syltetøj 1 bage... A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 apple 1 banana 1 orange 1 plum 1 peach 1 grapefruit 1 tomato... En kvinna kommer in i affären och köper lite saker, hon kommer fram till kassan och lägger upp en banan, ett äpple, en tandborste, en schampoflaska, en tvål, en kam, en apelsin, en tandkräm, en...
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