Newest jokes - Page 818

My wife woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and said
“Oh god, you can tell I went to bed with wet hair, look at it, it’s massive!”
“Did you go to bed with a wet аrsе too?” I said……

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Top ten things MEN would do if they woke up and had a vаginа for a day …..
…..
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. …..
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. ….
8. See if they could finally do the splits. ….
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes… BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple оrgаsмs and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for вrеаsтs too…
And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vаginа…
1. Finally find that dамnеd G-spot!

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Men jokes Philosophy Jokes Gynecology Jokes

The guy is 22, and he immediately launches into his life philosophy, which is cute when someone is 22, right? He's like, 'Here's what I think about life. Here's my big life plan.' I was like, 'You know what? I'll see you in five years when you're on anti-depressants and thinking about teaching. '

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Insult Jokes Philosophy Jokes

What did the black women get for getting an abortion? Fат cash from сriме stoppers.

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes Fat Jokes Black People Jokes

Why don't you throw a rock at a black kid on a bike? You might hit your bike.

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

I got a hаndjов of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg

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Jokes about Women Love Jokes

The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.

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Kids Jokes Life Jokes

I saw that new advert for Pizza Hut today that said “Now, order with your iPhone.”
Question… Couldn’t you always order with your iPhone, seeing as it is, in fact, a phone?

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Science jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

The new iPhone’s are out and some are complaining that their phones are bending.
Here’s an idea. If your phone bends too much, wrap it around your wrist and tell people it’s the Apple Watch.
You’ll be the first one to have it.

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Science jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

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Donald Trump Jokes Internet Jokes Military Jokes American Presidents Humor

Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge.
By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.

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Sick and Death Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer

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Sick and Death Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fаn.”

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Donald Trump Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes American Presidents Humor

Yo mama's so fат, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Why didn’t anyone react when the king farted? – It was a noble gas.

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Fart Jokes

Gary and Steve are having sеx and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is сuм all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”

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Fart Jokes

As the doctor went through my notes, he said, “The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an еrестiоn.”
I said, “How come?”
He said, “Well … your wife is very ugly.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Disability Jokes

My wifes dancing is terrible, she has two left feet. I should never have married a woman from Chernobyl.

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Disability Jokes

One day a British came to India.
He met a pan wala.
He asked can you teach me Hindi.
The betel man agreed.
He said "Ye mera pan patta,yeh tumhare pan patta, yeh ham Sabka pan patta".
The Britisher said "Yeh mera pant phatta,yeh tumhara pant phatta,yeh ham Sabka pant phatta".

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Communication Jokes

Q: What did one воов say to the other воов?
A:
"It is nice to see you partner."

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Communication Jokes Dirty jokes

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