Animal Jokes - Page 16

Q: What does a fish use to get high?
A: Seaweed.

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What happened to the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fаrт.

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Animal Jokes

I hope I'm not poisonous, says the first snake.
"Why?" asks the second snake.
"Because I just bit my lip."

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Animal Jokes

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the аssаulт.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"

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Animal Jokes Money jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts.

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Animal Jokes

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hеll are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my аss. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

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Animal Jokes Dog jokes

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Communication Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
A: You hold his nose.

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Animal Jokes

How did the skunk call home?
On his smell-ular phone!

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Animal Jokes

Why couldn't the skunk use her phone?
It was out of odor!

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Animal Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.
''Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your вuтт over here. I've got something to show you!''
''Not now! I'm eating.''
''Oh come on!'' said the rabbit. ''It's really important.''
''No way.''
''Please. It's urgent.''
So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.
''Well, rabbit,'' he panted. ''What did you want to tell me?''
''Hey, Teddy,'' the rabbit began, ''look how many berries are on the other side of the river.''

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Animal Jokes

How do you кill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun. How do you кill a pink elephant? Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Animal Jokes

What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?
Let's get the flock out of here!

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Animal Jokes

How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.

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Animal Jokes

Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
A: Because then they'd be bagels.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Q: Why do sea lions go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal!

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Animal Jokes

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshield of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken."

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Animal Jokes Military Jokes

What do a bicycle, chicken, and frog have in common?
They all have handlebars! Except for the frog and chicken.

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Animal Jokes

As a pre-med student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted."It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

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Animal Jokes School Jokes Science jokes Student jokes

At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-аss jоск raises his hand. "What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exhausted?"
"Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with."

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Animal Jokes School Jokes