Animal Jokes - Page 4

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ''These taste like сrар.''
''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

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A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Hunting Jokes Relationship Jokes

Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city.
After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say. He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, the nuns. "Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?" Grumpy asks.
"No, my son, all of our nuns are at least five feet tall," smiles the Pope.
"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"
"I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," replies Grumpy. "But you're positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, maybe two-and-a-half feet tall?"
"I'm sure, my vertically-challenged son," says the Pope, trying not show his curiosity.
"Okay," moans Grumpy.
So the Pope listens to the dwarves as they leave the building. "What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarves.
Grumpy mutters, "He said they don't have any."
And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy fuскеd a реnguin! Grumpy fuскеd a реnguin!"

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Church jokes

Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, ''come Spot, come Spot!''

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Bill Clinton Jokes Gross Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Animal Jokes Political Jokes Dog jokes American Presidents Humor

Birdie, birdie, in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye,I'm a big girl, I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Funny Poems

Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with hеrреs?
A: The guy who gave it to him.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

On a really hot day, a реnguin takes his car to a mechanic. The реnguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the реnguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the реnguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the реnguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The реnguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."

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Gross Jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sport scars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!'' and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."

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An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's вuтт and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
A: Its аss.

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Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes

Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "аss" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats - big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's аss?
A: A mechanic!

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Rude Jokes

Q: Why does a dog liск himself?
A: He can't make a fist.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A: Wet noses.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Gynecology Jokes Dog jokes

Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
It's all over town.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

Two flies sit on a pile of роор. One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey, do you mind? I'm eating here."

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Two men both drag their right feet as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog сrар, 20 feet back."

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes