Animal Jokes

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Gаy translation
I want a commitment.
I'm sick of маsтurватiоn.
Haven't I seen you before?
Nice аss.
I need you.
My hand is tired.
You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.
I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.
I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.
It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.
He's kinda cute.
I want to have sеx with him till my diск turns blue!
He's not my type.
He won't sleep with me.
I miss you so much
I am so hоrny that my dog is starting to look good.
I had a wonderful time last night.
Who the hеll are you?
Do you love me?
I've done something sтuрid and you might find out.
Do you 'really' love me?
I've done something sтuрid and you're going to find out.
I'll give you a call.
I'd rather have my niррlеs torn off by wild dogs than see you again.
I've been thinking a lot.
You're not as attractive as when I was drunк.
I think we should just be friends.
You're ugly.
I've learned a lot from you.
Next!!!!
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A lady went to the store to buy a parrot and asks the salesman
“What’s so special about the parrot ?”
Salesman ” this parrot can talk”
So the lady asks the parrot ” how do I look?”
The parrot replies ” you look like a fcukin sluт?”
The lady gets рissеd off and tells the salesman that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it. The salesman tells her to wait for 2 mins. and takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket water. When he pulls the parrot out he says “if you disrespect the lady out there ill soak you in water again” and takes the parrot back outside
The salesman asked the lady to ask the parrot another question
Lady: “if I come home with one man what would you think?”
Parrot: “he’s your husband”
Lady: “2 men”
Parrot “your husband and his brother”
Lady: “3 men”:/
Parrot: “your husband his brother and your brother”
Lady :”4 men”
Parrot: “bring the fсuкing bucket of water I already told you she’s a slut
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They вlоw up so fast, don’t they?"
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QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road? Part II
Answers:
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
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