Blonde Jokes - Page 25

Three blondes were having a picnic in the park. One of the took out a can of "one-calorie" diet cola and poured it equally into three cups.
She drank hers and the second one did the same but the third blonde just stared at her cup suspiciously.
"I wonder who got the calorie?" she asked.

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Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde was visiting Washington D.C. for the first time andwanted to see the Capitol building.
Unfortuantely, she washaving trouble finding it. Finally she saw a police officerand asked him for directions."Well if you wait at that bus stop right there and get onthe 54, it will take you right there." explained theofficer."Thank you" she cooed, and walked to the bus stop.Five hours later, the police officer was driving by again,and sure enough, the blonde was still standing at the busstop.The officer stopped and said "Excuse me miss, but I told youthat to get to the Capitol building, you take the number 54,and it will take you right there. What are you still doinghere?""Oh don't worry officer." she replied. "It won't be longnow. The 47th bus just went by."

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Blonde Jokes

g down the road, and spotted anotherblonde in the middle of a hayfield rowing a boat.
She stoppedthe car, got out and went to the shoulder of the road, andyelled, "You know, it's blondes like you that give blondes abad name!, and if I could swim I would come out there andkick your аss!"

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy.
Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.
"If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.
He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay?
Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," re plies the blonde,
"I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

iver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?
' Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You duммy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his duммy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your sтuрid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!'The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, 'You stay out of this..I'm talking to that little shiт on your lap.'

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Stupid Jokes Military Jokes

A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"

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Car and driving jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are riding in an elevator, when they see a small puddle in the corner.
The brunette looks at it.
"That's definitely сuм," she says.
The redhead touches it.
"That's definitely сuм," she says.
The blonde takes a little taste.
"That's definitely сuм, but nobody in our building."

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes Phone jokes

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office complaining about aches and pains in whichever part of her body she happened to touch.
The doctor looked at her completely puzzled, wondering what on earth could be wrong with such a young, vibrant-looking woman. 'Impossible!' he cried. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, and then she pushed her elbow, screaming even more. She pushed her knee, screaming yet again, and then she pushed her ankle, doing the same.
Appearing pensive for a few moments, the doctor suddenly had a great idea about what might be causing the problem. He asked, 'You’re not really a redhead, are you?
Seeming surprised at the question, the woman was at a loss as to why the doctor might be asking her this.
'Well no,' she replied, 'I'm actually a blonde. I got this new dye job because I was fed up of everyone thinking I’m some airhead… but what does that have to do with anything?'
'Ah – I thought you might be a blonde,' said the doctor while trying not to laugh.
'You don’t have aches and pains all over your body. The pain you’re feeling is because your finger is broken.'

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A blonde was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: "YES".

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

You might wonder why blonde nurses bring red crayons to work.
It's in case they have to draw blood. A comment from reddit user - Ethyques: Any crayon would work if it's sharp enough. Otherwise it would be pointless.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Nurse jokes

Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a Pennsylvania small town was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow, when she was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.
"Help!" he cried when he spotted her down below.
"What are you doing up there?" she called back.
"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn't open!"
The blonde rolled her eyes: "Well, of course it didn't. If you'd just asked one of the locals, anybody could've told you that nothing around here opens on a Sunday!"

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Blonde Jokes

Why, on average, is the IQ so high in Japan?
Have you ever seen a Japanese blonde?

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Japanese Jokes

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter.
She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her by radio.
So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.
"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3000 feet. What happened then?"
"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the ceiling fаn."

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Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start a blonde woman from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.
"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said,
"Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Phone jokes

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said:
"I have a complaint!"
"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
Puzzled by her complaint the librarian asked:
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said:
"Ahhh... So you must be the person who took our phone book."

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Blonde Jokes Phone jokes

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”

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Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too sтuрid to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Weather jokes