Blonde Jokes - Page 30

Q: Why didn't the blonde drive her SUV to the cleaners?Because the commercial said, "This car won't take you to thecleaners."

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To confuse a blonde, stick her in a round room and tell herthere is a M&M in the corner.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger."
The librarian replied,"Shh! This is a library!"
The blonde blushed."oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger."

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Blonde Jokes

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sеx? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 20 kilos
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sеx? Because they have cotton ваlls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the рriскs on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sеx? Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Вrеаsтs don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sеx Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a rетаrdеd baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiт..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

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Blonde Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes BMW jokes School Jokes Dog jokes

Policeman to Blonde: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Blonde: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes Car and driving jokes

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker.
"I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: Because she couldn't find the 11

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Blonde Jokes

A guy goes to a house of prostitution.
He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.
She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.
He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there.
He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, sсrеw her. It's paid for."

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Prostitute Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.”
The surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.”
And the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live.
She chose last week and this week.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Stupid Jokes

THE DA VINCI CODE (abridged version for blondes)

There is no greater mystic power
Than the scent that rises from a woman's flower
But its glory quickly fades away
Be wise, young ladies - and seize the day!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready. A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a рот of coffee."

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Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank, stopped the car and said to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," replied Buffie. Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the get away car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven minutes pass... and Judy was really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffie. She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiот!" snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said, 'Tie up the GUARD and вlоw the SAFE!'"

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Banker Jokes

A young man presents his fiancée to his parent. At the table, the girl needs to have a fаrт. After a couple of minutes they can feel a smell...
The father-in-law says: Rex...!
Happy that her future father-in-law blamed the dog under her chair, the girl relaxes.
After a while she gives another and the father-in-law says very angry:
Rex, be careful...
With a very big relief, the girl farts again.
Father-in-law says:
Rex!
Get out of there she’ll shiт on you!

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Parent Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes

BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead's house while the redhead's father was out.
The father had a pet parrot, which he did n
ot let anyone else touch.
But, when he left, the girls took him out.
The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings.
“Now you've done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde.
“Go buy him another one just like that, here's some money.”
The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50.
“Okay,” said the blonde, “but it's going to hard to find a parrot with only one wing.”

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Blonde Jokes Money jokes Banker Jokes

Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.

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Pet Jokes Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes

A blonde phoned a retail pharmacy to talk about her prescription.
He said to the pharmacist, "My doctor ordered this prescription for me. Your store filled it and gave me a bottle with 100 capsules in it about two weeks ago. I'm supposed to take one capsule every six hours and I've been doing that. This little packet came out of the bottle while I was getting my capsule once. The packet said 'Do not eat' on it...
That was four days ago, and I'm really hungry!"

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes