Communication Jokes

Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!

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A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there.
He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does.
When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man.
When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man.
At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood.
So the American man stood too.
Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down.
Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth.
When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Church jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes Communication Jokes American Jokes Priest Jokes

Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't.
Look at their oddball requests:
A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard.
A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german.
A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck.
A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Dog jokes

Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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Wine jokes Food Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Funny Riddles Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant?
A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.

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Money jokes Accountant Jokes Communication Jokes Tax jokes

I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.

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Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.

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Knock-knock jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?

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Computer Jokes Technology Jokes Communication Jokes

Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement"
Me: "Thank you."

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Judge and Court Jokes Prison Jokes Communication Jokes

A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"

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Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valen-tiny!

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Valentine's Day Jokes Communication Jokes

I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fuскs a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fuскs just two guys in a year, she's a sluт.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shiттy lock.
That shut her up.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an еrестiоn.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."

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Jewish Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

Little Johnny: "I've рiss may I go out?"
Teacher : "Рiss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1."
Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shiт."
Teacher: "Shiт is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead."
Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."

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School Jokes Gross Jokes Kids Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fuскing hookers and watching football and роrn with friend.

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!"
Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Halloween Jokes Communication Jokes

I don't like the term "аnаl bleaching".
I prefer "changing your ringtone."

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Dirty jokes Gross Jokes Communication Jokes

Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door.
I have a confession to make.
I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, probably more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know.
The temptation was just too much.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me.
It won't happen again.
Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
THE ACTIONS
Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor head.
He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbor:
THE SECOND MESSAGE
Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door again.
Sorry about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out anyway, that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'.
Technology hey?
Regards, Alan.

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look вiggеr."

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Political Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes American Presidents Humor