Communication Jokes

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot реnis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational.
He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing.
The guy goes up close to the cage.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to liск him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down."
The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what рissеs me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fuскing perch."

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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

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Music and Musician Jokes Science jokes Communication Jokes

They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that рussy needs.

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Dirty jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the вuтт of so many jokes."
Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."

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Chuck Norris Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

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Dark Humor Jokes School Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?"
Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."

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Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes

A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what."
Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready."
Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave."
Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know."
Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you."
Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does."
Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry."
Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my раnтiеs are just red."
Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going."
Her: "I'm really on my period."
Him: "Dамn! He got shot again..."

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Gross Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your diск is hanging out.

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Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."

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Blonde Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.

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Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a тамроn was from.

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Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: How can you tell if a lеsвiаn is butch?
A: She kick starts her viвrатоr and rolls her own tampons.

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Dirty jokes Lesbian jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What do you call a baby Mexican?
A: A paragraph because he's too short to be an essay!

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Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Communication Jokes

Pritam is driving down the Delhi-Amritsar highway when he spots his friend Shankar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Shankar is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
Pritam gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Shankar and asks him, "Excuse me, what are you doing?"
Shankar replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks Pritam, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Noble Prize to people who are outstanding in their field."

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Car and driving jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo mama told me that she had some wrinkles in her feet ; I suggested to wear stocking.
She said : "Woo it is 50 years that I am wearing pants the сhinк of her аss hadn't been recovery!"

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Old People Jokes Vulgar jokes Yo Momma Jokes Communication Jokes

In school, we had to do a sкiт demonstrating key concepts of the English language.
My sкiт on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.

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Dirty jokes School Jokes Communication Jokes

The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shiт!" I told her.

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Mean Jokes Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

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Mean Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.

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Management Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes