Computer Jokes

Most popular in this category
If Operating Systems were вееr..
DOS Вееr:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Вееr:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" вееr. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 95 Вееr:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Вееr's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Вееr. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of вееr in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Вееr until their friends try Windows 95 Вееr and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS вееr, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Computer Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes
Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each
Software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that
This revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in
Reality there's substantially more information available through the rev
Code than that. This is a guide for interpreting the meaning of the
Revision codes and what they actually signify.
1.0: Also known as "one point uh-oh", or "barely out of beta". We had
To release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and
The marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We're praying that
You'll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its
Operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.
1.1: We fixed all the killer bugs...
1.2: Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we
Had to fix them, too.
2.0: We did the product we really wanted to do to begin with. Mind you,
It's really not what the customer needs yet, but we're working on it.
2.1: Well, not surprisingly, we broke some things in making major
Changes so we had to fix them. But we did a really good job of testing
This time, so we don't think we introduced any new bugs while we were
Fixing these bugs.
2.2: Uh, sorry, one slipped through. One lousy typo error and you won't
Believe how much trouble it caused!
2.3: Some jеrк found a deep-seated bug that's been there since 1.0 and
Wouldn't stop nagging until we fixed it!!
3.0: Hey, we finally think we've got it right! Most of the customers
Are really happy with this.
3.1: Of course, we did break a few little things.
4.0: More features. It's doubled in size now, by the way, and you'll
Need to get more memory and a faster processor ...
4.1: Just one or two bugs this time ... Honest!
5.0: We really need to go on to a new product, but we have an installed
Base out there to protect. We're cutting the staffing after this.
6.0: We had to fix a few things we broke in 5.0. Not very many, but
It's been so long since we looked at this thing we might as well call it
A major upgrade. Oh, yeah, we added a few flashy cosmetic features so we
Could justify the major upgrade number.
6.1: Since I'm leaving the company and I'm the last guy left in the lab
Who works on the product, I wanted to make sure that all the changes
I've made are incorporated before I go. I added some cute demos, too,
Since I was getting pretty bored back here in my dark little corner (I
Kept complaining about the lighting but they wouldn't do anything).
They're talking about obsolescence planning but they'll try to keep
Selling it for as long as there's a buck or two to be made. I'm leaving
The bits in as good a shape as I can in case somebody has to tweak them,
But it'll be sheer luck if no one loses them.
Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Military Jokes
Signs you've had too much of the '90s Part I
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask, "Do you fancy going down the pub?" and they reply, "Yeah, give me five minutes".
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
8. You consider regular mail painfully slow or call it "snail mail".
9. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
10. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a 0 to get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
15. Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. You learn about your redundancy on the 6 o'clock news.
18. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
19. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
20. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes USA Jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes
Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Men jokes Aviation Jokes
Стига вече с този Перник. Чък Норис като е толкова як, да дойде и да ми удари главата в клавиатуратаажгэ 44и9оапъврппъуэ эпцуэцд2эпт94итсд цот903т09пцоп Chuck Norris? На клавиатурата на Чък Норис няма бутон "Ctrl". Айде стига толкова с тоя Чък Норис! Той е само актьор, не е някой велик бог примерно. What is so good about Chuck Norris? He is just some stupid actor, if he was really that good he would come here and bash my head on the keyboD5LISDALGFRGY I idyfgylbhyuu2213874rt fsdnljsdha. Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris. Hagyjuk már Chuck Norrist. Csak egy hülye színész. Ha tényleg igaz lenne róla az amit írnak, akkor egyszerűen idejönne és beleverné a fejem a billentnkasdflvns kln nl snlv sldsfwa pdr bsw . . . Wenn Chuck Norris wirklich existieren würde, dann würde er jetzt hinter mir stehen und meinen Kopf auf die Tastatur hauhshsbfuözDluRhlDEOtodZDLZdulgähyk Víte, já si stejnak myslím že všechny ty povídky o Chuckovi Norrisovi nejsou skutečné. Protože kdyby byl tak drsnej, tak by přišel a začal by mi mlátit hlavou do... They say if u talk shit about Chuck Norris he will slam ur face into the keyboard but he's to dumb to find me jdjdjddjdjfbfnfmapoibrndskdhsnjsjrrjwiaokdbdjaaksjdbjs this is Chuck Norris let that be... Што е ова со Чак Норис, сите го сметаат за бог а тој е само еден обичен актер. Да беше бог во овој миг ке ми ја треснеше главата од тастатура хсдфгбхџ. Всдчќфпеоњ9ту943ѕ5р78921пујфклс н фд Všechny tyhle vtipy jsou hloupé. Kdyby to byla pravda, tak sem teď přijde a začne mi hlavou mlátit o klávesniiisjdfnvinaifvbisanfvacnoaeincpqdcbvia iqev iqen Nu mai radeti de Chuck Norris, e doar un simplu om! Daca bancurile cu Chuck Norris erau adevarate, acum era in spatele meu si ma dadea cu capul de tastaturrrraaauuuchhaauuu
Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Una vez un programador se ahogó en el mar. Muchos marineros estuvieron en ese momento en la playa, pero el programador estuvo gritando: “F1, F1”y nadie le entendió. Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it. - Mit mond az informatikus, amikor beleesik a vízbe? - ??? - F1! F1! F1!
Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes School Jokes
DIRECTIONS for MICROSOFT TV DINNER
1. You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners.
2. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
3. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv. Dinn.//08.5min@50%heat// Then enter:
4. If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner. Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted.
5. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
6. Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. 7. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.
7. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
8. Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size.
9. Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.
10. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes