Criminal Jokes

Most popular in this category

1 your so dumb you thing Cheerios are donut seeds!

1 0

Criminal Jokes

Suicide is illegal because it’s a сriме to destroy government property.

1 0

Criminal Jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

33 0

Gay and Lesbian Jokes Criminal Jokes Phone jokes

I went to this swingers party in Liverpool and tossed my keys into a bowl. I thought I had hit the jackpot when this sultry blonde picked them out.
Never saw my BMW again.

0 0

Blonde Jokes Criminal Jokes BMW jokes

One day St. Peter saw a street gang walking up to the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter ran to God and said,
"God, there are some low-life street gang members at the Gates. What do I do?"
God relied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Redirect them."
St. Peter went back to carry out the order, but he suddenly came running back and yelling, "God, God, they're gone! They're gone!"
"The street gang?"
"No, the Pearly Gates!"

54 0

Car and driving jokes Religion jokes Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes Criminal Jokes

Once upon a tie there were 3 prisoners about to be executed via firing squad and upon asking the first prisoner if they had anything left to say, he yelled, "Oh my God! Killer Bee swarms!" Everyone panicked and scattered and ran and that prisoner was able to escape.

After all the chaos calmed, they brought out the second prisoner. They did the same asking about last words, the prisoner yelled "Tsunami & Tornadoes!" Once again the crowd scattered and prisoner #2 escaped.

Now, everyone was reassembled and they brought out prisoner #3. Same practice once again. This time the prisoner yelled "FIRE!"

0 0

Criminal Jokes

James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful
“My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.”
The words of a rарisт if ever there was one.

0 0

Criminal Jokes Men jokes

Don’t you hate it when your girl calls you the wrong name during sеx?
My name isn’t someone help.

0 0

Criminal Jokes Sex Jokes

I committed the perfect сriме: I put a mime artist in an airtight glass box.
Nobody suspected a thing.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

As my wife lay dead on the floor and the weapon next to her the detective said, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“I was cleaning it and it went off”, I replied.
“It’s a fuскing bow and arrow”, He shouted.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

I guess Black Friday started early in Ferguson

0 0

Criminal Jokes

My next door neighbour was showing me her rаре kit, pepper spray, a whistle, a torch, a disposable camera, pens, paper, her phone tracking device, and a billiard ball in a sock.
Fuck me, mine’s only a balaclava and a knife.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

Some diскhеаd stole my wife’s purse last night.
I’m furious. All my money was in it.

0 0

Money jokes Criminal Jokes

An armed robber broke into a house and found a couple sitting at their dining room table. Pointing the gun, he said, "Let me know the names of my victims before I кill them".

Wife: My name is Eunice

Robber: Oh. My mother's name is Eunice. I can't кill you. (Pointing the guy to the man) And you ?

Husband: I'm Joseph, but all my friends call me Eunice.

0 0

Friendship Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes

The advert said, “Just two pounds a week can help reduce the problem of domestic violence in the UK.”
I suppose I could cut down, and only pound the wife twice a week.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

You know you’re good at sеx when she tells her friends.
And her family.
And the police.

0 0

Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Criminal Jokes

I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week.
I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance.

0 0

Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes

The FBI in America sent a photograph of a wanted criminal. The photo was in three poses - front face and two sideshots. They said: “We believe this criminal is in Ireland, keep a lookout for him.” Two weeks later the Irish police sent back a message to the FBI, with the photograph, which read: “We got the fella in the middle but we’re still looking for the other two!”

0 0

Police Officer Jokes USA Jokes Criminal Jokes

News : ‘Man Attacked Doorman With Axe’.
Attacking a doorman is one thing, but attacking a doorman that’s got an axe?
Hats off to the bloke.

0 0

News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, “Give me your wallet or you’re science!”
The man says, “Don’t you mean history?”
The mugger yells, “Don’t try to change the subject!”

0 0

Science jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes