Customer service jokes

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young guy says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average sales to 25 to 30 customers a day.
This is gonna have to change very soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$124,548.88".
The boss, astonished, says $124,548.88??? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a SUV???"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Bro, your weekend's a mess, you should go fishing.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision.
After careful consideration he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of раnтiеs at the same time.
The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up.
The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the раnтiеs.
The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:
"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings.
If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.
"These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to вlоw on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me.
Love,
Honey Bear
P.S. The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.
A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store.
She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?" 
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shiт when I tell you the price."
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too sтuрid to own a computer."