Dad Jokes

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25 Years From Now: Dad, how did you meet mum?
Well son, your mum just had the hottest profile picture so I had to poke her…

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Dad Jokes Internet Jokes

My son came home as I was taking his door off it’s hinges and asked “Dad what are you doing?”
“We’ve updated our privacy policy”

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Dad Jokes

What did the gangster’s son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
- ” Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything !! “

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Criminal Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny was raking leaves with his Dad who was telling him about how the fairies turned the leaves brown. He looked up puzzled and said: Dad haven’t you ever heard of photosynthesis?”

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

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Dad Jokes

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.

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Dad Jokes

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero
The Invisible Man

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Dad Jokes

Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.
When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.
The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me sir, I am here to see my son, Johnny. I am his dad."
Teacher surprised and confused asks, "Are you Johnny's real dad? I thought Johnny's father had passed away?" Johnny's Father is confused.
The teacher realized what was going on. So he quickly turns to the class and calls out “Johnny, your dead father is here to see you."
Johnny's heart beats faster and he grows small, but looks up to the teacher and whispers "How the heck did he came back alive."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny: Mom, I was in the bus yesterday with dad and he asked me to give up my seat for a lady.
Mom: Good, you did the right thing.
Little Johnny: But Mom, I was sitting on dad’s lap.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.

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Dad Jokes

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...
... For $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

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Dad Jokes

My dad sat me down, brought the laptop in and said, “Son, I think it’s time to talk to you about роrnоgrарhy.”
“What about it?” I replied.
“How the hеll can I get past the filters without your mum knowing?”

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Dad Jokes Internet Jokes

(My first dad joke) Wife was breastfeeding
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
Edit: wow this blew up!
Thanks for the gold!!!

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Dad Jokes

I tried to buy my dad a World’s Greatest Dad mug for his birthday today.
The cashier told me that I was too late. Somebody else’s dad already is.

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Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes

Jesus is the son of God.
God is the son of Chuck Norris.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Dad Jokes Golf jokes

One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home.
He asked:
"What does "evolution" mean?"
His father replied, "Figure it out."
Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand:
"What's 289+308?"
The teacher said:
"Figure it out."
Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said:
"Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man and his son went into a store.
The kid picked a USA flag and told his dad:
"Dad, I want this flag."
The man tells him:
"Nah, this looks too bright. Check if it's available in a different color."

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes

My friend's dad went to Hungary.
I asked her, "Was your dad hungry in Hungary?"

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Food Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?
The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

My granddad always used to say;
"As one door closes, another one opens..."
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

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Old People Jokes Dad Jokes