Dad Jokes

Most popular in this category

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan
But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

36 0

Donald Trump Jokes Dad Jokes Banker Jokes American Presidents Humor

Little Johnny got home from school and told his mum " I just had my first sеxuаl experience!"
His mum replied "I'm going to speak to your dad about this when he gets home. Go to your room." So little Johnny goes to his room.
When his dad gets home his mum tells him about little Johnny's first sеxuаl experience.
His dad says "I won't get too angry at him because at his age, I was looking for my first sеxuаl experience to."
When he gets to little Johnny's room he asks him "So how was it?"
Little Johnny replies it was Great! The only downside is my аss hurts."

0 0

School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Wife:
“I’m pregnant.”
Me:
“Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.”
Wife:
“No you’re not.”

148 0

Dad Jokes

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?”
“You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”
“Not this time, your dog died.”

21 0

Dad Jokes Dog jokes

“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”
Removed the edit due to the negativity flooding my phone, you can find an explanation of it in my recents. Much love to the positivity tho .

47 0

Dad Jokes

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

21 0

One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes

Is your Dad an astronaut? Because someone took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

0 0

Pick-Up Lines Jokes Dad Jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough.

46 0

Birthday Jokes Dad Jokes

White people are always annoyed that only black people can say the n word, but white people have some phrases only they can say too
Things like “Hi Dad!” and “Thanks for the warning, officer.”

37 0

Black People Jokes White people jokes Dad Jokes

A boy and his dad are talking..
“Hey Dad.”
“Yes son?”
“Did you ever get shot in the army?”
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad’s eyes, and he quietly replies;
“No, but I was shot in the leggy.”

14 0

Masturbation jokes Dad Jokes Military Jokes

Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: She's named after something your mother loves, Easter! It's an anagram.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.

2 0

Easter Jokes Dad Jokes

There once was two people Lisa and Brian
They got married and had a child.
The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.
So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.
So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first вееr ever.
When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.
When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.
After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.
As they left the bar, he was very drunк and was hit by a bus and he died.
The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."

12 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dad Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

Son: Dad, will you remember me in 5 years?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 year?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 6 months?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 month?
Dad: Yes
Son 1 week?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 5 days?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 5 hours?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 hour?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 30 minutes?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 minute?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 second?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Knock Knock
Dad: Who's there?
Son: See, you forgot me already!!!

0 0

Kids Jokes Knock-knock jokes Dad Jokes

I picked up a girl for a date from her parent’s house.
“Make sure she’s home by 11” growled her Dad.
“Relax. I’ll have her back by 10 if you like” I replied.
“Oh, okay” he said, lightening up.
“It may be even earlier, to be honest. I’ll bring her back once I’ve fcuked her”.

0 0

Dad Jokes Dating Jokes

Yo momma’s so ugly, when your dad wants to have sеx in the car, he tells her to get out.

12 0

Sex Jokes Dad Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes

Teacher: You boy, what’s your name?
Boy: Mickey Jones.
Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here.
We don’t use first names.
Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.

14 0

School Jokes Dad Jokes

Once little Johnny heard a grunting noise upstairs. He goes in his parents' room and sees them moving under the blanket . His dad comes out and says "Oh ! Son we were just wrestling ." Little Johnny says "Oh. I"LL BE HULK HOGAN!!" And dives in the bed.

0 0

Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Superhero Jokes

My sister was reading out my parents will when she said, “Do you want to hear something funny?”
“Go on,” I replied.
“Mum and Dad’s house.”
“I don’t get it,” I said confused.
“I know,” She laughed. “I do…. Funny isn’t it.”

0 0

Dad Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

I met this girl on the weekend and took her home to meet my dad.
He whispered to me, “Where the fсuк did you get her from, son?! She’s cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she’s got no teeth!”
I replied, “There’s no need to whisper, Dad. She’s deaf as well.”

0 0

Dad Jokes Disability Jokes