Dirty jokes

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Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viаgrа?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.

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How can you tell if your house was built by lеsвiаn carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

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Q: Ever had sеx while camping?
A: It's fuскing intents.

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

My diск is too long and it causes some problems for me.
On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an еrестiоn so that the shadow of my реnis was reflected on the screen.
Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"

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Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, sеxy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!

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Flirt jokes Dirty jokes Internet Jokes

A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel.
He tells the duty manager, "I hope the роrn channel is set to disabled"
The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular роrn, you sick ваsтаrd!"

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The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start маsтurватing in front of everyone...

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Masturbation jokes Dirty jokes

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.

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Single People Jokes Dirty jokes

In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".

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I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine.
Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?"
He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me мотhеrfuскеr".

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Dirty jokes

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?"
The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"

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Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your воотy is why God invented my ваlls!

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Why do women fake оrgаsмs?
Because they think men care.

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These candle holders

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Dirty jokes

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
A: Boo-bees

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A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.”
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets.
He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”

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Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your сhin called?
A: A Соск in the mouth!

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Q:how do you teach a blonde maths A: Add a bed, minus her clothes, divide her legs, insert your square route, leave your solution and hope she doesnt multiply.

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Dirty jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday.
Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin".
BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs:
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are sсrеwing a pumpkin?'
He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said,
'A pumpkin? Dамn...is it midnight already?'"

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