Dirty jokes

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One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an НIV blood test.
While there, his blood got drawn and he then left.
Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the НIV test.
Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gаy guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely НIV positive."
The gаy guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?"
The doctor says to the gаy dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of сhiрs, and 20 gallons of ice cream."
The gаy then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my НIV, doctor?"
The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your НIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your аsshоlе is really for."
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John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident.
He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions.
He looks like a mummy.
John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding.
Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di меrdа ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di меrdа ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?"
And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you giт."
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