Dirty jokes - Page 65

Most of you girls should be housewives for Halloween. You've been hoes all year.

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A girl is blowing her Boyfriend.
Boyfriend: Dамn, this is great.
Girlfriend: I would hope so, it took a long time to master this.
Boyfriend: You were blowing dudes behind my back?!
Girlfriend: Well, technically it was under the table. Anyway, how else did you think i could afford my Iphone?

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Dirty jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

So i was paired up with the really smart and hot girl in our Physics class to write an essay on Issac Newton's theory of gravity. So she said why don't we call it what Newton called it, "What goes up, must come down." Of course i agreed so that night we went to her house and started on our research, we had a nice glass of wine for good luck and we started. She asked if i could take the lead and start so i agreed and said why don't we try what Newton meant with what goes up must come down. She was good with that, so i asked her this morning when you were getting dressed for school you put on your skirt and wore your blouse and shoes and left the house right? She said yes, i said that's perfect because that would mean your skirt went up so lets see it come down. Blammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Wine jokes

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says,
"In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies,
"In the Marines, they teach us not to рее on ours!"

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Dirty jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes

As a gаy man, I can assure you that an "iPhone 6 plus" is only 5.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

What is something nine out of ten people enjoy?
Gang rаре.

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Dirty jokes

Little Johnny got home from school and told his mum " I just had my first sеxuаl experience!"
His mum replied "I'm going to speak to your dad about this when he gets home. Go to your room." So little Johnny goes to his room.
When his dad gets home his mum tells him about little Johnny's first sеxuаl experience.
His dad says "I won't get too angry at him because at his age, I was looking for my first sеxuаl experience to."
When he gets to little Johnny's room he asks him "So how was it?"
Little Johnny replies it was Great! The only downside is my аss hurts."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.

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Dirty jokes

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because i see myself in your pants.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Dirty jokes

Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.

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Dirty jokes

A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse.
The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast.
The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”

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Dirty jokes Boss Jokes

The BYOB sтriр club fills a very important niche in the sтriр club market. Because, I mean, we've all been at a traditional sтriр club, and the wine list is pedestrian. You know, half the whites from California, they're all sсrеw tops and the sommelier couldn't tell a Sancerre from a sandwich. And I'm just sitting there the whole time thinking, 'I have in my cellar at home a 2002 Argentinean Malbec that would go perfectly with that 42-year-old's hysterectomy scars.'

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Dirty jokes Wine jokes

Why did the lumber truck stop?
To let the lumber jack off.

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Dirty jokes

What do you call a blonde at a golf course?
The 19th hole.

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Golf jokes

A nun with big воовs boarded a bus and sat near a dude.
The dude kept looking at the nun's воовs.
The nun realized this.
She held her rosary and asked,
"Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?"
The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes God Jokes Boob Jokes

If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg?
You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.

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Dirty jokes

Man:knock knock
Kid:whos there Man:i see you do
Kid:i seee you do who?
Man:my girlfriend!

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Knock-knock jokes

Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ?
In both cases you really dont want to look down !

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Dirty jokes

What does Barbie use as a тамроn?
A Tic-Tac.

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Dirty jokes

A boy's parents are fighting and the mom calls the dad a Ваsтаrd and the dad calls the mom a Вiтсh. The kid asks them what it means and they say Ladies and Gentlemen.
That night the son walks in on his parents having angry sеx.
The dad say "feel my diск" and the mom says "suск my тiттiеs"
The son asks "what does that mean" and the parents say Hats and Coats.
The next day the dad is shaving and cuts himself so he screams "shiт!" and the kid asks what it meas and the dad says its a brand of shaving cream.
The kid then goes downstairs and the mom is stuffing the turkey and accidentally cuts herself and screams"f*ck!"
When the guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner the kid answers the door and says.
"Alright you Вiтсhеs and Ваsтаrds, hang your Diскs and Тiттiеs in the closet, Dad's upstairs wiping the Shiт off his face and Mom's in the kitchen Fuскing the turkey!"

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes