Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

Раddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Раddy’s mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the кinкy side, yells out, “Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!”
Раddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, “Did you get these marks having sеx?”
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Раddy (let alone that she allowed the кinкy boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, “I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor, you’ve got the worst case of van aerial disease that I’ve ever seen.

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The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over.
Everywhere I touch it hurts."
The doctor replies, "OK.
Touch your elbow."
The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head."
The guy touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hеll.
The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days.
Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem."
"Oh yeah?
What is it?" asks the retiree.
The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast.
At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse.
“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.
“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Food Jokes

Guns can кill, Chuck Norris does!

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:
" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Attitude Jokes

A patient to his friend:
"I am taking rest cure."
Friend:
"What do you do?"
Patient:
"I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes

I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering around a bloke who came off his motorbike, so I frantically rushed over.
“Out of the way!” I shouted, as I pushed through the crowd.
“Are you a doctor?” one woman screamed.
“No” I replied, “The сunт was delivering my pizza.”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes

Раddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Раddy, do you realise you’ve got “Sugar Diabetes..”
Раddy says, “OK.. Nice one, when do I fight the fuскеr”?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Irish jokes

A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask.
The lawyer puts it in his pocket.
‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor.
‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Lawyer Jokes

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sеx drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sеx drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A lady goes to the doctor, and says:
"Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?"
The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first."
So the lady takes her clothes off.
Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back."
A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it.
The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?"
And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shiт in here."

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer

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Sick and Death Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

As the doctor went through my notes, he said, “The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an еrестiоn.”
I said, “How come?”
He said, “Well … your wife is very ugly.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Disability Jokes

I don't have any sympathy for people who suffer from low self-esteem. You don't need to love yourself. You just need to hate a lot of other people, then grade yourself on the curve. Hey, I might suск, but I don't suск as bad as Нiтlеr.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Hitler Jokes

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Priest Jokes Aviation Jokes Priest Jokes

Doctor to woman:
"What is the matter about your husband?"
Woman:
"He is worrying about MONEY."
Doctor:
"I think I can relieve him of that."

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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

People say that time heals all wounds.
They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
"I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy,” and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up
and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well.”
“Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?”
”Who said my Dad’s dead?”
The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?”
“He’s 100 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the торlеss beach
for a walk, that’s why he’s still alive… he’s Italian and he’s a golfer too.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad? How old was he when he
died?”
”Who said my grandpa’s dead?”
Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?”
“He’s 118 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So, I guess he went golfing with
you this morning too?”
“No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.”
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. “Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?”
”Who said he wanted to?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Fitness jokes Grandparent Jokes