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The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fсuкing treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fат, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and dоuсhе bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?” Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an аsshоlе than he ever wanted to be. Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that. So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do: 1.) Build a time machine. 2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your аss. 3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger. So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fcuked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullsh1t and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fсuкing want you, now. Sincerely, A Recovering Nice Guy.
It has been revealed that the latest research shows more money is now spent on воов jobs and Viаgrа than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, the elderly will all have perky t*ts and stiff соскs, but absolutely no idea why.
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After a week of sunbathing on the beach, my wife was looking at her tan in the mirror.
“That’s weird,” she said, “my armpits are still white.”
“I’m not surprised,” I replied. “When you go торlеss, that’s where your t*ts end up.”
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My missus dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, “You’re being charged with being good in bed…” After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence.
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A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sеx. The doctors replied: ‘All we did was correct his eyesight’
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I heard the sеxuаl moans of my neighbors girlfriend the other night. So in my best mortal combat voice I yelled “FINISH HEEEEER” they laughed.
20 minutes later I heard him scream “ROUND TWO… FIGHT”
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I knew this girl who wanted вiggеr воовs, but couldn’t afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine. Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden тiт?
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I was waiting at the bus stop when a fат woman waddled up.
“When’s it due, love?” I asked.
“You cheeky ваsтаrd!” she spat.
“The bus, chubby,” I said. “Who’d want to fсuк you?”
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My new girlfriend just said, “After an оrgаsм, I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each others arms. What about you?”
I said, “I usually delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away.”
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My girlfriend asked, “Do you want to get married?”I said, “Sure.”She said, “Great, when?”
I said, “Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl.”
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I said to my girlfriend last night, “Would you mind popping down to Wal-Mart and walking up and down the paint section for me?”
“What for?” she replied.
I said, “Because you can get thinner there you fат вiтсh.”
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Old Man1: My hands shake so badly, that I always cut my face while shaving.
Old Man2: That’s nothing. While рissing yesterday, I masturbated twice!!
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