Little Johnny is in his closet when he hears a noise. His mom comes in and starts having s*ex with someone other than his dad. He hears a door slam and his mother say "Oh no, my husband his home! Quick! Hide in the closet."
The man get in the closet and little Johnny says:
"Dark in here isn't it?".
The man is startled but then calms down. "Yes it is."
"Do you want to buy my baseball glove?"
"No."
"I could go to my dad."
"Fine. How much?"
"200$"
"Fine."
This happens again later in the week.
"Dark in here isn't it?"
"Yes, yes it is."
"Do you want to buy my baseball bat?"
"How much?"
"300$"
A few days later his dad wants to play ball with him and tells him to go get his glove and bat.
"I can't. I sold them to my friends."
"For how much?"
"500$"
"That is way too much. I am taking you to church right now for a confession. They get to the church and little Johnny gets in the booth.
"Dark in here, isn't it?"
The reverend says:
"Don't start that shiт again. Your in MY closet now."
‘Mum, I want a bike for my birthday’ demanded Little Johnny. He was a troublemaker at school and was constantly getting into trouble at home, at school and in the street. Barry’s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did. Barry’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Johnny.
Johnny knew this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Johnny. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Johnny.
Barry knew this wasn’t true either. He tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Your friend, Johnny.
Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either. Johnny was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Johnny’s mother thought her plan had worked because Johnny looked very sad. ‘Just be home in time for dinner,’ his mother said. Johnny walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Johnny began to write his letter to God.
LETTER 4:
Dear God,
I’ve got your Mum. If you ever want to see her again, Send the F**king Bike!!