Marriage and Family Jokes

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Патрулни полицаи звънят в Отдел убийства. Во полициска станица: - Шефе, жена убила маж со 12 убоди. - Причина? - Одел бос додека го бришела подот. - Ја уапсивте? - Не, чекаме да се исуши подот. Un policia le dice al sargento, "Sargento, tenemos a una mujer que mato a su esposo porque avia caminado en el piso que todavia estaba mojado." Le dice el sargento, "¿Y ya la detuviero?" "No. El piso todavia esta mojado." Juge : « Cette femme a tué son mari car il a marché sur le sol encore mouillé qui venait d’être lavé ? » Policier : « C’est bien ça. » Juge : « Et pourquoi avez vous attendu 20 minutes pour... Deux gendarmes appellent leur quartier général et demandent à parler à l'officier de garde : - Nous avons un problème ici : une femme vient d'abattre son mari d'un coup de fusil parce que celui-ci...
Marriage and Family Jokes
Връзката в едно семейство е психологична. Forholdet mellem mand og kvinde er psykologisk. Ja. Den ene er psyko og den anden er logisk. - Връзката между жената е психологическа! - Да. Единият е психо, а другия логичен.
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- Татко, искам да се оженя - Papa, je veux me marier! - Excuse-toi! - Mais pourquoi? - Excuse-toi! - Je n'ai rien fait, cela n'a aucun sens?! - Excuse-toi! - Bon ok. Je m'excuse... - Parfait. Maintenant que tu as appris à t'excuser sans aucune raison, tu es prêt à te marier. Un jeune dit à son père : - Papa, je voudrais me marier. - Alors, excuse-toi! - Ben...pourquoi? - Je t'ai dit te t'excuser! - Mais, je n'ai rien fait. - Non, mais tu dois t'excuser! - Euh...bon...
Marriage and Family Jokes
A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone.
So to prevent this, he visited the local sеx shop in order to buy his wife a viвrатоr to keep her occupied in his absence.
After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing viвrатоr and asked the store clerk for help. The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo D**k."
"How does it work?" asked the businessman.
The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo D**k from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo D**k that door." The viвrатоr flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half.
"Fantastic," said the man. "I'll take it!"
He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo D**k and left on his business trip. Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: "Voodoo D**k my p***y."
The Voodoo D**k flew out of the box and gave her оrgаsм after оrgаsм. But soon it became too much, and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop. So she got into her car and began driving to the hospital, swerving so much that she got pulled over by the police. The policeman asked her why she was driving so recklessly and she explained to him that she had a Voodoo D**k inside her that wouldn't leave her alone.
The policeman looked at her skeptically and said, "Voodoo D**k, my аss."
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Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know youcan't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read inthe paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't beable to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numberswith them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine.The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, threedays the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you,Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons,so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, andit said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby thismorning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if youare an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskeyvat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so hedrowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off thebridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. Thedriver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down. Not much more news this time.Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I willsend another one. Love, Ma
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