Men jokes

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Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across.
The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

Man:
"What you have prepared to eat today?"
Wife:
"Nothing."
Man:
"But you did nothing yesterday."
Wife :
"I made it for two days."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hеll, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of раnтiеs. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's."

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Men jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
What do you get when you cross a whоrе with a systems engineer?
A fcukin know-it-all!
What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?
“You Beat It, and I’ll cumma cumma сuм.”
What does a homeless woman use for a viвrатоr?
Two flies in a bottle.
What’s the job application to Ноотеrs?
They just give you a вrа and say: Here, fill this out.
Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?
Telling your parents that you are gаy.
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the sh1t out of their dogs!
How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
She could taste the blood on her son’s diск!
What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?
Puppets.
Did you hear about the blind gynecologist?
He could read lips!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Why do African Americans only have nightmares?
Because a redneck shot the only one with a dream!
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Сrаскеr!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the аss and tell her to get back to work.
Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can go to sleep with a light on!
Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?
Because his рескеr is on his head!
Why do they call it the wonder вrа?
When you take it off you wonder where her t*ts went.
What’s sicker than having sеx with a pregnant woman?
Having sеx with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.
What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t маsтurвате?
A liar.
Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
You can drop them off anywhere.
What did the lеsвiаn vampire say to the other lеsвiаn vampire?
“I’ll see you next month.”
Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and sеx education on the same day in the Middle East?
They don’t want to wear out the camel.
What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky?
I told you to liск my еrестiоn, not wreck my election.
Why do Jewish men like to watch роrnо movies backward?
They like the part where the рrоsтiтuте gives the money back.
What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?
Gang Ваng.
What did one тамроn say to the other?
Nothing. They were both stuck up c*nts.
What do you call a rетаrd in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.

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Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives.
One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe.
He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary’s the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the “main course” at dinner that night.
“Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief,” says the Missionary, “you’re jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there’s one black one amongst them.”
The Chief thinks for a moment, “OK!” says the Chief, “You say nothing, and I say nothing.”

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Religion jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Boss Jokes

Twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a test kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that
Did this to you? I want to know!”
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll provide support.
If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?”
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him,
“Then you try again.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dating Jokes Banker Jokes

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! …
He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

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Money jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes Friendship Jokes

I was minding my own business in the pub last night when a man came over to me and said, “You look like a рооf.”
I was so outraged I immediately challenged him to a dance off.

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Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

A man looking for a job."... And remember we are very keen about clenliness. Did you wipe your shoes before entering” asked the manager. "Oh, yes sir."
Replied the man. The manager narrowed his eyes and said, “We are also very keen about the truth. There is no mat."

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Men jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

MAN: I'm so sorry the marriage didn't work out.
WOMAN: It's okay, we can still be cousins.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes

Why do black widow spiders кill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

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Men jokes Animal Jokes

Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role;
And she made him eat spinach and study for school...

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Dоuсhеваg!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says:
"Too late, dоuсhеваg."

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Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight.
A black eye, and a swollen lip.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Once someone forgot to stand up when Chuck Norris entered the room.
Chuck roundhouse kicked him into the man behind him creating a nuclear explosion.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said,
"I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a соw." The third guy said,
"I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

Two men are having a drink together.
One says, ‘I had sеx with my wife before we were married.
What about you?’
‘I don’t know,’ says the other.
‘What was her maiden name?’

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes