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John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident.
He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions.
He looks like a mummy.
John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding.
Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di меrdа ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di меrdа ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?"
And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you giт."
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Men jokes Dirty jokes
There were three guys in Неll - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man.
They asked Sатаn to let them call their family.
The American called and talked for 10 minutes.
He payed $1,000.
The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes.
He payed $2,000.
The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10.
The other men complained and Sатаn responded, "A call from Неll to Неll is local.
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Se reunieron en el infierno Fidel, Hugo Chávez e Hipólito. Un día le dice Fidel a Satanás: Die Amis konnten eine Telefonverbindung in den Himmel schalten. Direktgespräch mit Petrus. Kosten für eine Minute: 70 Millionen Dollar. Die Russen schalten eine Woche später ebenfalls eine Telefonverbindung - in die Hölle: Unbegrenzte Sprechdauer mit Luzifer persönlich. Kosten: 1 Rubel. Warum?... George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin... Estavam no inferno Bill Clinton e FHC, Bill Clinton precisou fazer uma ligação urgente para a Casa Branca e ficou duas horas no telefone, quando desligou o telefone, o capeta veio cobrar a... 3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones... Iad. Putin, Bush, Basescu cer voie lui Scaraotki sa sune in tara sa vada care sunt noutatile. Putin vorbeste 5 minute si apoi cere plata. Scaraotki: 5 milioane $. Putin plateste. Bush vorbeste 15... Bill Clinton e Fernando Henrique estavam no inferno, então, Bill Clinton pergunta para o diabo se ele pode fazer uma ligação para casa branca, e o diabo diz que sim. Então bill Clinton liga para... Volají Američané Rusům, že vynalezli telefon do nebe. Rusové přijedou a vytočí dlouhé číslo. Ozve se: „Svatý Petr, prosím?” Tak Rusové, že to byl omyl, zaplatí potom 100 dolarů a odjedou. Druhý den...
Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes American Jokes
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, "What do you have in the bag?"
The blonde replies:
"I have chickens!"
The man thinks for a moment and says, "If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?"
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, "Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"
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Blonde Jokes Men jokes
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
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I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. Hvorfor blinker kvinder ikke under forspillet? Der er ikke tid. Pourquoi les femmes ne clignent-elles pas des yeux pendant les Préliminaires? - Pas le temps. Varför blinkar inte tjejer under förspelet? - De hinner inte
Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
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Men jokes
Why do men like having sеx with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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Men jokes Sex Jokes
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger!
Beware of Dog’.
He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor.
‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper.
‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper.
‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
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Animal Jokes Men jokes Pet Jokes Dog jokes
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating тамроn.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes
Yo moma is so fат, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
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Yo Momma Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes
I saw an article in the papers saying, “Have you seen this man?” with a little picture of the criminal and a number to call.
I was bored so I rung them up and said, “No, I haven’t.”
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Men jokes Stupid Jokes
Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, "I will grant you ladies three wishes." The first woman said, "Turn me into a fish" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, "Give me a boat" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, "Turn me into a man" and she walked across the bridge.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A woman who answers the door stark nакеd holding a six pack.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Love Jokes
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch...
Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Shrien Dewani’s trial has collapsed in South Africa and tonight he’s a free man…
Although if you ask me, he’s been a free man since the night his wife was shot dead.
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Men jokes Criminal Jokes Africa Jokes
Never make an arm wrestling bet with a man that has been single for longer than 6 months.
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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Single People Jokes
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, “Correct me if I’m wrong but….
”Don’t do it!! It’s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes Dating Jokes
A man walks into a store and orders some rigatoni, some mozzarella, parmesan cheese and a bottle of red wine.

The clerk says "You must be Italian."

The customer, put off says, " If I ordered some potatoes, cabbage and a six pack of вееr would you say I must be Irish."

"No." Said the clerk, "THIS IS A HARDWARE STORE!"
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Food Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes Beer Jokes
So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a реdорhilе walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
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A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar… He orders a drink.
Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Priest Jokes
Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain.
She asks the doctor what he has on sale.
"Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100."
Surprised she asks why the price difference?
"Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes
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