Men jokes

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Lucky Dog A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that." Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!" Dos amigos ven a un perro que se está lamiendo los cojones. - ¡Cómo me gustaría poder hacer eso mismo! - dice uno de ellos -. Y el otro contesta: - Bueno, pero antes intimarías un poco con el... Kaksi ruotsalaista olivat puistossa, kun he huomasivat koiran olevan pusikossa nuolemassa sukupuolielimiään ja sai suurta mielihyvää. - Mitä ihmettä se oikein tekee? kysyi Börje. - Göran, joskus... To menn ser på en hund slikke seg nedentil. Den ene mannen sier: "Jeg skulle ønske jeg kunne gjøre det!" "Virkelig?" sier den andre. "Jeg hadde bare tenkt å klappe den."
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A man was having problems with premature еjасulатiоn. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to еjасulате, try startling yourself”.
On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already nакеd. He’s so hоrny and keen to try out his new ‘system’ that he doesn’t think twice and leaps on board.
After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the ’69’ position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?”
The man answered, “Just fсuкing great, аsshоlе…when I fired the pistol my wife sh1t on my face, bit three inches off my соск and my neighbour came out of the closet nакеd with his hands in the air!”
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Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
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How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
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A Jewish man went into a church and entered the confession booth. The priest welcomed him and asked him what he would like to talk about. The Jew told him, “Last night, I went to a bar and met these two young buxom beauties. I took them into a back alley and let them take turns suскing my shvantz over and over until I was satisfied, before taking them both home to make love all night.”
The priest nodded and replied,”The Lord forgives you for your sins, but may I ask, you are Jewish, why have you come to tell me.”
The Jewish man replied,”Tell you, are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”
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A guy walks home after buying a соск-suскing frog. He walks into the kitchen, where his wife is doing the dishes, and plonks it on the table.”What the fсuк am I supposed to do with that?” she screams.”Teach it to cook and fсuк off,” he replies.
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What’s the difference between a реnis and a bonus?
Your wife will always вlоw your bonus!
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Whats the difference between a roast beef sandwich and a вlоw job?
You don’t know? soooo…you wanna do lunch tomorrow?
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A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, “Mother, where do babies come from? ”
“Well dear…a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and have sеx.”
The daughter looks puzzled.
“That means the daddy puts his реnis in the mommy”s vаginа. That”s how you get a baby, honey.”
The daughter replies, “Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy”s room you had daddy’s реnis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewellery, dear.
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